


In This Darkness... I Will Find You

by SunshineOnACloudyDay



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Byleth has emotions, Canon-Typical Violence, Dedue Needs A Hug, Dedue's Self Esteem Issues, F/M, Goddess blessed Byleth, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, One-Sided Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth, Self-Reflection, Sothis is an actual Goddess, Transformation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineOnACloudyDay/pseuds/SunshineOnACloudyDay
Summary: During the retaking of Fhirdiad, Cornelia has one last trick up her sleeve to make Dimitri suffer.“How will your subjects feel about their Savior King when he looks as beastly on the outside as he does on the inside? Hmmm… little princeling?”Byleth must come to terms with the power she holds, and deal with the consequences of the decisions she makes to put Dimitri on his throne, while Dedue ponders his purpose in the world. Can a man of Duscur who has sworn his life in service to His Highness truly love one blessed by the goddess?
Relationships: Dedue Molinaro/My Unit | Byleth, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Dedue Molinaro, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 25
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

Morale was still low after the chaos and bloodshed that had happened at Gronder Field. Felix was mourning even if he would not show it to others, and Dimitri was struggling to keep any sort of sanity he had gained in the bloody aftermath. Rodrigue had been a valuable member of their army, he had been a trusted general and friend. His loss had shaken everyone.

Dedue had not left Dimitri’s side since she had brought him back in out of the rain on the night he tried to ride to Enbarr alone. Together they had finally stripped him of his armor he had been wearing for the last five years, bathed him, and gotten him to eat. Dedue kept watch as he slept in a real bed, while she ran around preparing for Dimitri’s new desire.

Dimitri had finally chosen a new path, a path of redemption. Gone were the ramblings of a madman, the yells of “I must have her head!” She worked hard to get everything ready. In a week’s time they would be marching to Fhirdiad to take back his home and save his people. If she wasn’t training the other soldiers, or working with Seteth and Gilbert to decide on what supplies they could possibly haul from the Great Bridge of Myrddin, she was sitting with Dedue. Their mostly silent companionship was the only thing that kept her going as she worked around the clock to bring this war forward. 

She had grieved Dedue when Dimitri had told them he had died in Fhirdiad to save him. She had grieved her tall, strong, silent lion cub. She had grieved their talks in the greenhouse, their evenings spent in the kitchen, the stories of his family and home in Duscur. She had grieved that he would not keep their promise they made in the Goddess Tower five years prior, to look up at the stars in a Kingdom ruled by Dimitri. She cried for the second time in her life, and then she locked it all away so she could care for her lions that still remained.

When he had arrived at the Great Bridge of Myrddin with a small group of his Duscur brothers her unbeating heart had broken and put itself back together in the few moments it took her to walk toward him and fling herself into his arms. He was even bigger, scars littered his body, and a heaviness had seemed to settle over him like a shroud… but her last lion was home. Home with her.

As they marched to Fhirdiad, Dimitri was restless. Dedue and Byleth stayed by his side, easing his worries and trying to give him comfort. 

“What if the people hate me? I left them to rot, Professor. They couldn’t possibly want me for their King.”

“Dimitri, they are suffering under Cornelia’s reign. You are the true heir. You must fight until you can save them. Fight until you can make yourself into the King they need.”

  
“But Dedue… what if I can’t do this?”

“Your Highness, you must do this. For the people of the Kingdom and for the people of Duscur, you must do this. This is all you have wanted since we met. You can do this. We will be here for you every step of the way.”

Fhirdiad was a mess when they finally arrived at the gates of the city. The people were rebelling against Cornelia once word got out that the true heir was coming back to claim the capital. Dark magic flew through the skies from Cornelia’s mages as huge mechanical constructs fought to strike them down. Imperial troops sent by Edelgard fought to keep them away from Castle Blaiddyid, creating mayhem in the streets. The Blue Lions fought with everything they had, taking out the mages, Titanus, and Imperial soldiers until all that remained was the usurper.

Byleth, Dimitri, and Dedue walked toward her together. Dimitri wanted answers to the questions he had about his step-mother, but Cornelia was cruel. Dark magic rippled through the air as she threw her spells at them.

“It’s over Cornelia.” Dimitri was the proud and strong King that she always knew he could be as he stepped forward with Areadbhar. “If you have any last words, now is the time.”

Even in her injured state, Cornelia laughed a cruel cold laugh that sent a chill down Byleth’s spine. “How will your subjects feel about their Savior King when he looks as beastly on the outside as he does on the inside? Hmmm… little princeling?” A cruel smirk curled her lips as dark energy formed in her hands. Byleth charged forward to strike her down, but she was too late.

With an evil laugh she cast the dark energy toward Dimitri, but Dedue jumped in to take the blow. He fell to the ground in a heap of armor and limbs as he cried out in pain. “DEDUE!” The anguished cry flew from her throat as Dimitri stared down at him in shock.

Cornelia let out a cry of rage, “Your damned vassal has always been a thorn in my side... He's always getting in the way of my plans.” She sighed an exaggerated sigh and in a sing song voice said, “Well he won’t be able to anymore.”

The Blue Lions watched in horror as Dedue began to scream and writhe on the ground. His limbs grew slowly as claws formed on his hands and feet. The armor crumbled to the ground as his torso grew and his skin began to develop scales that covered the expanse of his body. Rows of teeth began to form as his jaw became elongated and a tail grew out from his back. Eventually the cries of pain turned into a whimpered roar as the beast fell to the ground.

Rage and fury became a fire in Byleth’s veins as she charged Cornelia. “WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

Cornelia laughed as she attempted to fling more dark magic at Byleth, but it wasn’t enough. Byleth charged forward and stabbed her in the chest with the Sword of the Creator. “Poor little prince. Poor little Fell Star.” Blood trickled from her mouth as she whispered, “There’s nothing left for you now… Nothing but despair.” Byleth ripped her sword out and turned to face the beast that was being surrounded by her students.

“STOP!”

All of their heads turned to her as she stepped forward. The beast began to stir and slowly stood, swaying on its’ newly formed limbs. It shook its’ head and tried to stumble toward her.

“Dedue?” She stepped forward, Sword of the Creator glowing red, and the beast began to growl. “Dedue? Are you still in there?”

Red eyes stared into hers as the beast struggled to try and stay standing. She leaned down to place her sword on the ground and the beast seemed to calm.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Felix, ever the protector, stepped in front of her with his sword raised. “Pick up your weapon!”

She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “It’s not like the demonic beasts, it hasn’t attacked us. I think it’s still Dedue.”

“It’s not him, Professor. Dedue is gone.”

“NO!” Her cry rang through the silent courtyard, all sounds of fighting had finally ceased. “Back away.” Felix looked at her over his shoulder before scowling and backing away slowly, weapon still raised.

The beast’s eyes were firmly on her as she stared, before it closed its’ eyes and bowed its head. “Dedue? Are you still in there? It’s Byleth, it’s your professor. I’m not going to kill you if you’re still you.”

The beast tried to stand, swaying again, before setting one giant paw in front of the other. It took shaky steps until it kneeled down right in front of her. Distantly she could here Annette sobbing cries and the gasps from her students, but her whole focus was on the beast… on Dedue.

Dimitri began to pace, his breathing becoming erratic. She nodded to the beast and it dropped down to the ground with a pained whine. She walked slowly over to Dimitri as he fell into a panic. His eyes became glassy and he trembled and held his head. “This is all my fault. That devil woman… she… and now Dedue… he…” 

She placed a hand gently on his arm and softly called, “Dimitri. You need to breathe. You can’t lose yourself. Stay with me.”

One sky blue eye flew to meet hers and a tear crept down his cheek. “But… Dedue. Professor…”

Gilbert’s heavy steps approached them and he placed a gentle hand on his arm. “Your Highness, we must go and calm your subjects. We must tell them that we have reclaimed the capitol and the true King has returned.”

Panic turned to anger as Dimitri snarled at Gilbert, “That devil woman has done something to Dedue and you want me to go and play King?!”

Byleth reached out both hands and placed them on both sides of Dimitri’s face. “Dimitri, look at me.” After one last growl toward Gilbert his eye flew to her face. “Gilbert is right. Go and be a king. This must be some sort of spell, which means we should be able to find a way to fix it. But your people need you. I will stay with him. Maybe Mercedes, Annette, and I can fix this.”

Dimitri slumped forward as the anger left him. His forehead met hers as he said, “I’m not a King. I can’t do this without you. I can’t do this without him.”

She swallowed around the growing lump in her throat and whispered, “We’ve fought long and hard for this day. You must do this. Gilbert and the rest of your friends will be with you.”

Dimitri fell forward and she wrapped her arms around him as he grieved for his friend. The sound of her students cries around her joined his as she tried to remain strong for all of them. Finally, Dimitri’s breathing became even and he stood up straight. Gloomy faces surrounded him as Gilbert took his arm and led them all away. “Come, Your Highness. If anyone can help Dedue, it is the Professor.” _They have too much faith in me_ , she thought as she watched them walk away.

Annette’s cries became louder as she sobbed into Mercede’s shoulder. In between sobs she whimpered, “Professor… I’ve never… read about anything… like this. What if… what if we can’t get him back?”

Byleth’s hands began to tremble and she folded them behind her back to keep them from seeing. “We can’t think like that Annette. Stay strong for a moment longer. See if you can find Cornelia’s room or study. If we find the place where she was working on all of this, maybe we can find a way to reverse it. I’ll join you in a moment.”

A look of understanding passed over Mercedes eyes as she nodded. “Come on, Annie. Let’s go see what we can find. Dedue and the Professor are counting on us.” Annette wiped her tears as they hurried toward the Castle entrance.

As soon as they were out of sight Byleth fell to her knees. She stared at her hands as she began to crumble. _I couldn’t reverse time and tell Dedue not to do it, I couldn’t risk Dimitri becoming this thing. If it was Dimitri, the Kingdom would have been left without a King. I couldn’t risk that. What kind of person does that make me? Why did Sothis give me the power to make these decisions? Why?!_

A single tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away with a trembling hand. Pain ripped through her chest and she raised a clenched fist to rest over her unbeating heart. _What am I supposed to do now? What can I possibly do to make this right?_

She heard a shuffling noise behind her and she slowly turned to look at the beast that Dedue had been turned into. Some sort of whining roar pierced the air between them, before it shook its’ head in apparent frustration. It slowly stood and walked toward her, before collapsing in front of her.

She reached out a tentative hand and the beast closed its’ eyes as she placed it on its’ head. His head. _Dedue’s head. It’s Dedue._

_Sothis… if you are there… I could really use your help._

Byleth closed her eyes and tried to focus on that part of herself that used to harbor Sothis. As she searched her consciousness, she felt some sort of presence. She tried to focus on it as much as she could, trying to draw it out. _Sothis?_

There was only silence as the world around her began to fade away and was replaced by the throne room from her dreams. She looked up and saw Sothis’ throne with the same greenish light that illuminated it and the steps that led up to it. But the green haired goddess was not in her usual spot, lounging on the throne. “Sothis? Sothis, where are you?”

“…Professor?”

She turned around quickly, as instincts had her reaching for a weapon that was no longer on her hip. Her eyes went wide as they landed on Dedue, but not in his armor filthy from battle. It was Dedue, dressed in a simple tunic and trousers, like the nights they spent in the greenhouse during the academy days. He looked… softer somehow.

“Dedue? How…?” She took a step forward and he did as well.

“Where are we, Professor?”

She took a deep breath in and out. “The Goddess Sothis, this is her throne.” She gestured behind her. “This must be the space in my mind where she used to dwell. I don’t know how… but her power must be letting me speak with you. That or I have finally gone mad.” She let out a dry chuckle that turned into a choked sob.

“Fodlan’s goddess… used to dwell… in you? In your mind?” Dedue’s eyebrows were furrowed as he looked her over.

“Yes. She spoke to me until the day I cut down Solon.”

Understanding crossed his face as he whispered, “The day you cut through the sky. The day your hair and eyes changed.” She nodded and took another hesitant step towards him. “But… why am I here? What happened to me? It’s hard to move and everything… everything hurts.”

She nodded as tears began to fall down her cheeks. “Cornelia… she… it’s some sort of spell, I think. You jumped in front of Dimitri and it… it turned you into something. Some sort of beast.”

He frowned and put a fist to his chin. “His Highness? Is he alright?”

She chuckled, a wet sad chuckle, and shook her head. “Yes, Dedue. He is… heartbroken… but he is off greeting his subjects right now.”

He smiled sadly and nodded. They stared at each other for a moment, each unsure of what to say in the quiet and stillness of their surroundings. Dedue stepped closer until she could feel the heat radiating from his body. “If His Highness is safe… I would ask you to kill me.”

The breath left her lungs as a sob ripped through her. She wrapped her arms around herself as she trembled. “What? I can’t… I can’t, Dedue.”

He reached out a hand, but seemed to hesitate before dropping it back to his side. “I cannot serve His Highness like this. I am…” he closed his eyes slowly “I am in pain. Please, Professor… Byleth. You must do this. You have to end this.”

“I just got you back! You can’t ask me to… I…” _I love you and I want you to stay with me._ She shook her head. _I can’t tell him that, it would just be selfish. I can’t ask him to live like this for my own peace of mind. And his whole being has always been devoted to Dimitri. He probably doesn’t even feel the same way. The last thing I want to do is make him feel guilty._

Dedue’s voice was soft as he whispered, “Byleth?” 

“Just give me a few days. Please? At least let me try and see if I can fix this. I… Dimitri… he can’t do this without you. Please let me try. Give me just a few days.”

Dedue sighed heavily as she avoided his gaze. “I do not know what good it will do. The war… the war is more important. His Highness must focus. He needs you in order to do that.”

She raised her head sharply to glare at him. “The others can look out for him. YOU are important.” Dedue averted his eyes as she rambled on. “Mercedes and Annette are already looking through Cornelia’s things. I’ll find everything I can get my hands on and… I’ll stay with you. Maybe my faith magic will take some of the pain away.” 

She drew on the magic within her and her hands glowed white with power as she placed her hand on his chest. She could feel the fast pace of his heart beating as he sighed.

“It does.” He placed one of his hands over her much smaller one and warmth radiated through her.

The edges of their sanctuary began to fade away as she tried to focus on Dedue. “I think… I think using extra magic makes it harder to keep this… connection or spell or whatever this is… going. I can’t… I can’t hold this much longer.”

He smiled fondly down at her. “It’s alright, Professor. I’ll be okay.”

“Byleth. I liked it when you called me Byleth.” He smiled as his face began to fade away. “I’m going to fix this. I have to.”

“Professor?! Professor are you alright?!” 

She blinked open her eyes and looked up to see Ashe running toward her with his bow drawn. The beast, Dedue, was lying beside her.

“Ashe, I’m fine.” He searched her body for wounds before finally making eye contact. “Dedue is still in there. I don’t know how, but I was able to speak with him just now.”

Ashe raised his eyebrows in disbelief before looking between her and the beast. The beast slowly lifted its head and nodded once before dropping it back to the ground.

Ashe’s bow clattered to the ground and his eyes widened in awe as he looked between them. “Do you… Do you think you can fix him? Do you think you can get him back?”

Her eyes fell as she pulled her knees to her chest. “I don’t know. I have to try. I can’t…” Her eyes began to water and the lump in her throat was making it hard to breathe.

Ashe knelt down and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Hey… it’s alright, Professor.”

She shook the tears away and looked up at him. “It’s not. He’s in pain, Ashe. He asked me to kill him. But I couldn’t… I can’t!”

Ashe shook his head and rubbed her arm. “Mercedes and Annette sent me. They found some of Cornelia’s research.” 

She stood quickly to leave, but glanced back at Dedue. She drew on her faith magic again and laid her hand on his head. A grumbled whine echoed as Dedue seemed to relax and closed his eyes.

“Where are Mercedes and Annette?”

“Cornelia was staying in the King’s old room. There’s a study attached to it that it looks like she was working in. I’ll take you.”

“No. I’ll find it on my own. I need you to stay here with him. I don’t want to leave him alone. Tell anyone who tries to harm him they will answer to me.”

Ashe looked hesitantly at the beast before turning back to her with a bow. “Of course, Professor.”

“I’m going to grab everything I can find, and then I will come back. I want to bring Mercedes and Annette with me so we can heal him every half hour. We have to try and make this bearable while I try to figure this out.” 

She turned on her heel and walked through the open doors of Castle Blaiddyd. “I’m going to figure this out. I have to.” The empty halls had no reply as she rushed toward the room that hopefully held the answers.


	2. Chapter 2

Everything was a haze after his meeting with the Professor, with Byleth, in the darkness. He could hear... _and smell?_... Ashe and Byleth as they spoke near him, but moving was hard and all he could feel was pain. A pleasant warmth radiated through his body to dull the piercing pain in his limbs, and with the dulling of the pain came sleep.

It reminded him of when he was in Duscur, recovering after his brothers from Duscur had saved him from Cornelia. Her torture had been thorough as she tried to force him to tell her where His Highness had fled. But no matter the pain, he could not tell her. He did not know, and even if he had he would not say. Eventually she tortured him just to hear his screams. She asked no more questions, and didn’t expect any answers as she broke him. In those day all he did was drift between pain, and hazy sleep.

For now, he dreamt of Duscur. He dreamt of his family, his father, mother, and sister. He dreamt of how things used to be. He dreamt of the music, the dancing people around the fire, and the food that made everything in Fodlan seem so bland. He dreamt of a field of Duscur blooms and a head of green hair and pale green eyes. He dreamt of the normally neutral face shining with tears as she asked him to give her time. He would give her everything, if he could, but he can’t. He was His Highness’ vassal, his sword and shield. 

He had nothing to give to the woman who once had a Goddess in her head. To the woman who went from being a common born mercenary to a professor, loved and respected by all who knew her, to the leader of an army consisting of the Prince of Faerghus and nobility from all around Fodlan. He had nothing before, and he certainly had nothing now if he truly was some sort of beast. Why would she care? Why would she ask for time, when there was a war raging through all of Fodlan? When Edelgard still rampaged, her soldiers killing the innocent.

Clarity pulled him from his dreams as someone urged him to stand. _Byleth._ The smell of lavender and sword oil drifted toward him and he knew who it was.

“Dedue, we have to get you to the stables. You can rest there, where it’s safe.” The warmth of her magic rushed through him and he fought the urge to sleep again. Moving his new limbs was difficult between the pain and the haze of his mind. He stood on all fours and followed as she led him around to the back of the Castle. 

All of this was so familiar. In his early days in Fodlan, he and His Highness had secluded themselves to their rooms. They only ventured out to see each other. But once the pain of the Tragedy began to dull, they spent their time in these gardens. His Highness would teach him to read and write here in the months where it was warm enough to venture outside. In the months where it wasn’t, they would spend time in the stables, hiding from the servants and His Highness’ uncle Rufus.

The stables Byleth was now ushering him into. He glanced down and all he saw was scales and claws that scraped against the floor with each step. A whimper sound resonated from his chest and Byleth froze. 

“I’m so sorry, Dedue.” Her eyes glistened and her voice was soft and wavering. “I brought all of the journals and notes I could find in Cornelia’s office. You can rest and I’ll look through them.” He twisted until he could drop his new body onto the ground and watched as the Professor… _“Byleth. I liked it when you called me Byleth.”_ … set down a satchel and sat in the corner. She pulled out multiple journals and began to read.

He studied her as she sat there, the minty green of her hair as it fell in waves down just past her shoulders. Pale green eyes that moved side to side as she studied each page. The bags under her eyes, from not having slept in so long. The furrow in her brow, that seems to have taken up permanent residence since sometime before he returned. _Maybe it’s been since she returned from… wherever she was before._ Ashe had told him that she claimed to have slept those five years, but how could that happen? Who really was this person before him?

She needed rest, that was one thing he did know. He hadn’t seen her sleep since before Gronder, two weeks ago. She had stopped His Highness that night in the rain, and stayed up with him to get His Highness bathed and fed. He knew she spent her days getting things ready to march for Fhirdiad, and she had spent her nights sitting with him, watching over His Highness. When had she last slept? When had she last eaten? He knew she had fought like nothing was wrong today, she had been as powerful as ever, but the extra magic usage had to be wearing on her. She shouldn’t be worrying about him. 

The same whine came out as he opened his mouth. Byleth’s head rose and pale green eyes landed on him. “What’s wrong?” She set down the journal she had been reading and walked toward him slowly. “Are you still in pain?” 

He shook his head no. It was manageable for now, and she needed rest. How could he tell her to rest? The same whine seemed to be all the noise he could make. She walked closer and placed a shaking hand on his head. She closed her eyes and went very still until a voice called, “Professor?”

Pale green eyes opened and the pain on her face disappeared behind a mask of neutrality. “I’m in here.” His Highness walked in, tall and proud, and looked between the two of them.

“Ashe told me you spoke to him. Is it true?” His Highness grabbed her hands and held them as his voice shook.

“It’s true. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s true.” They both looked in his direction and he raised his head and nodded.

“Dedue…” His Highness let out a breathy whisper as he fell to his knees. “I told you not to cast aside your life for mine.” 

He lifted his head and the same whine came from his throat. He shook his head in frustration. I would do it again if I had to, Your Highness. You have to become King. You have to.

Byleth turned away as His Highness bent forward. His shoulders shook as he cried, wept for the friend he thought Dedue was. He lifted a paw and dropped it again. The sound made them both look to him. He shook his head no and His Highness let out a sigh.

“How did you speak with him?” His Highness stood to face Byleth and Dedue laid his head back on the ground.

“I… It’s hard to say. It’s a part of my consciousness and his. I think both of us fall asleep and I’m able to see him as he was and speak to him as he was. I think it’s part of the goddess’ power.” She bit her bottom lip and hugged her arms to her torso.

“You must not do it when you are alone. I am going to assign shifts, so a member of the Blue Lions is always here.”

“That is not necessary, Dimitri. I will be fine. I need to read through all of these so I can find out how to fix all of this.”

“I will not hear of you doing this on your own, Professor. You need rest, you need to sleep and you need to eat. You also need someone with you. That… woman… she knows how valuable you are to me and to this war effort. I would not put it past her to come after you, now that we are finally getting close to our goals.” 

Dedue let out a whine and they looked toward him. He nodded his head yes and Byleth sighed. “Fine. I could use Mercedes and Annette’s help. Maybe Sylvain as well, he might be good at making sense of all of this… mess.” She gestured toward the journals and notes that she had been reading. “I’m trying to use faith magic to heal him as often as possible. He said he was in pain and…” 

Her voice cracked and His Highness stepped forward to embrace her. “Professor… this is not your doing. You must not exhaust yourself. Dedue would not want that.”

He could see her tremble and it made his heart ache. The normally unflappable professor was falling apart as he sat here unable to do anything. _How can we return to that darkness? How can I tell her that His Highness is right? That she needs rest?_ He let out a weak growl and they moved apart to turn to him. “Dedue? Are you in pain?” Byleth stepped forward and knelt before him. He shook his head no. “Do you need something?” He shook his head yes.

“What is it you need, Dedue? What can I fetch for you?” His Highness knelt beside Byleth. He shook his head no. His Highness sighed and crossed his arms. “This is impossible.”

Byleth stared at him for a while and then laid her hand on his head. “Do you want to see if I can do it again?”

He nodded his head yes and His Highness turned to her. “I will watch over you both if you wish to try. I must admit… I am curious to see what happens.” He flushed slightly and looked toward Dedue.

Byleth nodded slowly and knelt down in front of him. “I don’t know how long I’ll be unconscious. I don’t think it lasted very long last time, but I’m not exactly sure.” She smiled slightly and turned to His Highness. “Just try not to worry too much.” She placed her small hand on his head and closed her eyes. He watched her go very still, before closing his own. All he heard was the sound of their breathing before he felt the same tug as before. 

He focused on the feeling and opened his eyes to the same darkness. He glanced down and saw his hands, normal scarred hands instead of the scales and claws he saw before. He wore a plain white tunic with dark trousers, just as he had the last time. It looked similar to the clothes he used to wear when he would work in the greenhouse. _I wonder if this is how she thinks of me, instead of always in armor with a weapon in hand._ The pain dulled as he looked around, searching for Byleth.

“Byleth? Are you here?” His voice seemed to echo into the void around him, causing goosebumps to travel up his arms. He suddenly felt bad for Fodlan’s goddess. _What would it be like to always dwell here?_

“Dedue?” He turned slowly and the same stone throne appeared before him. Byleth stood at the top of the staircase that lead up to it. She seemed to glow against the darkness around her. The faint light that highlighted the throne and stairway fell upon her in a way that seemed to give her a halo of light around her pale green hair. She looked just like the goddess she claimed resided here.

“You’re here.” He felt himself smile slightly as he walked toward her.

“What’s wrong? What did you need to speak to me about?” Byleth frowned and met him halfway on the stairs. Even when standing two stairs above him, he still towered over her.

“You need to rest. His Highness is right. You can’t work yourself to the bone over this.”

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, causing a stray strand of hair to fall into her face. On instinct he reached out slowly to tuck it behind her ear, but as he touched her, he felt her fading away like she had before.

Her eyes widened slightly. “Did you feel that?”

“Yes. It’s like you are fading away.”

She nodded slowly and stepped up another step. “So, it isn’t the extra magic. It’s our touch that severs it.” 

He nodded and crossed his arms. “It appears so.”

She frowned and sat in a huff. “Of course, it is. So, I can’t heal you and I can’t touch you. I… ugh.” She buried her head in her hands and looked so childlike that it made him chuckle. She looked at him between her fingers. “What’s so funny?”

He hummed softly and sat down on the other end of the stair she sat on. “The woman who had a goddess living in her head, who cut a hole in the sky after being sent to another dimension, who fights like no one I have ever seen… she is pouting like a child because she cannot heal or touch me. It is… odd.”

She gave an exasperated sigh and put her head in her lap. “You mock me, Dedue.”

He shook his head in response before realizing she could not see him. “I did not mean to mock you. I only find the situation… odd.”

She lifted her head slowly and turned to face him. “This is all my fault.”

He furrowed his brow and crossed his arms. “How could this possibly be your fault? Cornelia was going to turn His Highness into this… thing… that I now am because I acted as his shield. How could blame fall to you?”

She bowed her head and would not look him in the eye. “I let this happen.”

He felt the urge to reach out his hand and lift her face to his but he stopped just before he came in contact with her skin. “You did not.”

“I did.” She raised her head and he realized that tears were streaming down her face. “This isn’t the only power the goddess gave me, Dedue.”

“What other power did she give you?” She bit her lip and looked away and they sat in silence for a while.

She turned back to him and whispered, “I can turn back the hands of time.”

“You… what? You could not possibly…” She continued to stare at him as he processed all of this. Then it finally made sense. “You feel as if you are responsible because you had the ability to change it and you did not.” 

She nodded and looked away from him. “I understand if you… if you want me to leave. I can continue to look over Cornelia’s notes elsewhere and have someone else watch over you.”

“Look at me.” She turned her head and pale green eyes found his. “I would have done the same thing, again and again. We could not allow this to happen to His Highness. The Kingdom would have been left with no king and the people of Duscur would suffer forever. This is not your doing.”

“Then it should have been me. I should have saved you like I have every other time. I should have…”

“No.” She fell silent and her eyes watered. “I would not wish this for you. It is right that it is me. If you cannot find a way to reverse it, someone will kill me and I will die with no regrets.” _Well… some regrets. But not about this._

She shook her head as tears began to fall again. “Stop saying that. I… Dimitri… we can’t do this without you. I have to fix this.”

“Then you must rest.”

“There will be time to rest when you are you again.”

“No, you must rest. When was the last time you slept? You look exhausted. I do not want this for you.”

“And I do not want this for you!” Her shout echoed out into the darkness and her face became stern. “I do not want this for you, my lion. I have to fix this.”

“You will, but you need to rest. Let the others search for a while.”

“I’m sleeping right now.” She gestured to their surroundings with a smirk.

He shook his head and scowled. “I do not believe this counts as sleeping. Did you feel rested when we awoke last time?” Her smirk fell into a frown as she shook her head. “I like speaking with you like this. I would like for you to continue to visit me… as I am here… but I do not want you to continue if it leaves you exhausted.” _Even if that means you only see me as a beast until I am dead._

She stared out into the darkness and he watched her for a while, before turning himself. They sat in comfortable silence as they had so many times before until Byleth whispered, “Do you remember the night of the ball, when you found me in the goddess tower?”

_He had watched her dance with many of the young men and women at the ball. She had looked so happy and carefree as each of them lead her around the dancefloor. People gave him a wide berth, not wanting to stand to close to the man of Duscur. He avoided His Highness as much as possible so people would continue to ask him to dance._

_Later he glanced around and noticed that he could not see the Professor anywhere. People were whispering, asking where she went, wondering if she would come back so they could ask her to dance. He had crept out into the chilly air and walked toward the Goddess Tower to try and find some quiet, but also wondering if the Professor could possibly be there._

_Everything was quiet as he ascended the stairs, and he began to lose hope in finding her. But as soon as he crested the top of the stairs, the air flew from his lungs. The Professor was there, standing on the terrace. The moonlight filtered down on her, making her pale skin glow and making her eyes seem to shine as she turned and smiled her small smile._

_She had been looking for respite too, though they had been searching for very different reasons. They stood there together and they watched the stars for a long time. He had brought up the legend of the tower with a secret foolish hope that she would have a vow she wished to share with him. When she did not, he had vowed that they would look upon the stars together again once His Highness had led them into a more tranquil age._

_It had been foolish, and romantic in a way that he could not possibly swear himself to someone, but when she had smiled and said she looked forward to it, his heart soared. She couldn’t possibly have meant it the way that he did, but he would cherish the opportunity to watch the stars with her once more either way._

_He watched as she shivered, before offering that they go back inside. She had a rare smile on her face as she asked him to dance with her. He had draped his coat around her, before leading her back inside. People whispered as they watched her lead him around the dance floor, trying to teach him the steps, laughing her rare laugh. For once, he did not mind their whispers._

He was grateful that she was still looking out into the darkness as warmth spread to his cheeks. “I do.”

“Do you remember the promise you made to me?” Her voice was still just above a whisper and she still did not look to him.

“I do.”

She finally turned to him, and the sorrow on her face made something in him ache. “I still want you to keep your promise.”

“I…” he paused before turning away from her “I cannot make any promises to you as I am now. I shouldn’t have made that promise to you then. It was not my place.”

“Dedue…”

He could not bear to hear what she had to say. Not here in this void where he could not touch her, could not hold her, could not flee if she denied him. He could not bear to hear what she had to say the way he was now, or the way he was then. His voice was quiet as he whispered, “You should go and rest. I will be alright until you wake.” 

He heard her stand and walk down a step until she turned and stood before him. She placed her hand on his cheek and as she started to fade away, she whispered, “I will see you again soon, my lion.” He leaned into the touch until she faded completely.

He awoke to pain and heavy limbs. He shook his head slightly in an attempt to clear his mind and heard a shuffle. His Highness was sitting against the wall of the stall they were in, with Byleth cradled in his arms. He smiled softly and whispered, “You are back, old friend.” He nodded his head and watched as Byleth began to stir. His Highness looked at her with concern. “Professor? Are you alright?”

Byleth nodded but did not move from His Highness’ hold. “I… I think I am tired.” 

“Would you like me to carry you to a room?” 

She glanced over at Dedue, before shaking her head no. “No. I’ll sleep here with him.” He shook his head no, and Byleth’s eyes narrowed. “I will sleep as you requested, but I’m staying here with you. You can’t stop me.”

His Highness chuckled softly and whispered, “I should have known that was what he wanted to say. It’s hard to know which of you is more stubborn and overprotective.” He sighed deeply and tilted his head. “Very well. I will have a cot brought out here so you may rest. I am still ordering someone to watch you at all times. I tried waking you to see if it would work and you would not stir. Someone needs to be here with you, especially if you speak with Dedue.” 

The pain began to grow, making his limbs ache. He shuffled around trying to get comfortable on the ground, but nothing worked. 

Byleth whispered, “Will you help me up, Dimitri?” He lifted her slowly and she wobbled on her feet. She got down on her knees before him and reached a hand out but he shook his head no. If she couldn’t even stand, she shouldn’t be using any magic. She tried again but he tilted his head away and let out the same whining noise. She sighed and glanced back at His Highness. “Will you fetch Mercedes for me? If we can use some healing magic, Dedue might be able to sleep as well.”

“Of course, Professor.” His Highness took off his long cloak and laid it out on the ground. “You can use this to lie down until I can get a cot out here for you.”

“Thank you, Dimitri.” She crawled over and curled up on it, wrapping the excess over her. She yawned and tucked her arms into her body, before her breathing evened out and she fell asleep.

His Highness watched her for a while before sighing sadly and turning to him. He whispered, “What are we going to do with her, Dedue? She is working herself to death. I do not know how to help her.” He turned back toward Byleth and crouched down slightly to brush some hair from her face. There was so much care in the gesture as His Highness smiled down at her and without trying a whine escaped him.

His Highness turned and a sad smile graced his face. “I know, my friend.” _No, Your Highness. You don’t._

  
He watched over her after His Highness left. The pain kept him awake enough to wait until someone could really guard her. Soon he heard steps coming their direction and he stood and shuffled over to stand in front of her. Mercedes rounded the corner and her eyes widened in surprise before she giggled softly. “It’s alright. It’s just me, Dedue.” He slowly shuffled back to his corner and dropped back to the ground with a soft whine. The pain really was getting worse. 

“His Highness says you can understand us when we talk to you, is that true?” He raised his head and nodded before dropping it down again. “Are you in pain? The Professor requested I use healing magic on you.” He nodded his head again and a pout formed on her lips. “I’m so sorry this has happened, Dedue.” 

She sighed and walked forward, her hands already glowing with the holy power he so admired now. As she placed her hands on his head, she hummed a light tune. The warmth and the sound of her humming made him quickly start to doze. “It’s alright, Dedue. I’ll be here until she wakes.” He tried to nod, but he was already fading into sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Byleth woke with a shiver. Other than a lone candle that burned in the corner, it was completely dark. I must have slept the rest of the day away. She shook her head and sat up, but immediately wrapped Dimitri’s cloak around her again to ward off the cold. “Damn Faerghus for being this cold.”

“I agree. Living at the monastery has made me soft.” She turned her head to find Sylvain sitting on the other side of the entrance of the stall they were in. He had the candle burning and one of the many journals Cornelia had left behind in his lap. “Welcome back to the land of the living sleeping beauty.” He winked and chuckled to himself. “Mercedes turned in for the night so I came to keep an eye on you two and look through these.” He lifted the journal in his hand before placing it back in his lap.

She turned her head to look at Dedue, but he seemed to still be sleeping. “When was the last time Dedue had any healing?” 

Sylvain glanced over to him before looking back to her with a shrug. “I’d guess it’s been about three hours or so since Mercedes left. I’ve been reading a long time so I’m not exactly sure.”

She dropped the cloak from off of her shoulders with a shiver and walked over to place her hands on Dedue’s head. She held them there with her healing magic glowing at her fingertips until Dedue let out a heavy breath and seemed to relax even further. She took her hand away and shivered before rushing back to huddle in the cloak.

Sylvain chuckled and she turned with a raised eyebrow. “It’s so freaking cold. I don’t mind sitting here with you guys… but seriously. Why the stables?” 

She snickered and huddled into the cloak more. “Dedue would hardly be welcomed into the castle as he is now…” She looked him over for a moment before nodding her head. “Take off your armor.”

Sylvain raised an eyebrow. “Professor?”

“Take off your armor. I’ll sit with you and it will keep us both warm. I’ll even share Dimitri’s cloak if you’re nice. But I’m not sitting against freezing armor.”

Sylvain chuckled and started working on the straps of his armor. “Getting cozy with the Professor. It’s my teenage dream come true! Well… pretty close anyway.” He winked his exaggerated wink and dropped his chest plate to the ground.

“Mhmmmm…” She hummed in agreement. “I’m sure you’d rather be getting cozy with Ingrid, but I’ll have to do for now.”

Sylvain’s face in the candlelight rivaled the color of his hair as he coughed and spluttered. “What? No… I… no.” Once he finally sat down, she sat between his legs and pulled the cloak over both of them. “Holy shit, this thing really is massive. How is it so soft?” She chuckled softly as Sylvain rubbed his face against the fur lining.

“I’m sorry I slept so long. Have you found anything useful?” She motioned her head down to the notebook on the floor and Sylvain reached out to grab it.

“From what I’ve read, it seems she was looking for a way to create Demonic Beasts without the need for a Crest Stone fragment. Maybe the Imperial army is finally running low? It’d be nice to think we might not have to fight Demonic Beasts every battle.”

She hummed in agreement and tilted her head as she looked to Dedue. “The spell obviously wasn’t perfected yet. Dedue is barely a quarter of the size of a Demonic Beast, and he’s in too much pain to move.” She bit her bottom lip and looked away. “Have you found any sort of formula or notes on how she was testing it?”

Sylvain sighed and she heard a thud as his head hit the wall behind him. His voice was sincere and full of remorse. “No, I’ve been looking but I haven’t found anything other than theory. This is dark magic, it’s so different from any of the reason magic I’ve read about. I’m afraid I’m not of much use.” He lifted his head and rested his chin on the top of her head and in his “trying to be carefree voice” she was so used to said, “For how beautiful that Cornelia was, she was into some messed up shit.”

She moved her hand around inside the cloak to find one of his. She squeezed it gently and whispered, “I appreciate you looking. I really do.”

Sylvain chuckled and said, “Anything for a beauty like you, Professor.” He sighed and squeezed one of her shoulders lightly. “He really didn’t deserve this. He’s already been through so much and I… I just wish I could help. No one should have to go through something like that.”

She turned around to look him in the eye the best she could. “How are you holding up? Seeing that had to be hard after everything you saw with…” She wasn’t sure how to end the sentence so she stayed quiet.

His eyes darkened and his jaw clenched. “Miklan.” She nodded slowly and reached a hand up to place on his cheek. His face softened slightly and he shook his head. “Thanks for asking, Professor. I’ll be alright. It’s not something I would ever like to see again, though. It’s like something out of a nightmare… Back at the Academy I saw it every time I closed my eyes. Maybe that’s why I’ve been reading through these so much.” He chuckled darkly but she nodded her head.

“I know what you mean. I think this is the most I’ve slept since Gronder... or maybe since I woke up to all this.” She sighed and sat back against his chest. He was so warm compared to the chill of the air around them. _I wonder if Dedue is cold. Could we find blankets to throw over him?_

“Ya know… we’ve all been really worried about you, Professor. We appreciate all you do for us, and we know we are in the middle of a war… but you look exhausted. I guess we’re all just afraid you’re going to give out one day and it’ll be all our fault.”

She chuckled dryly and pulled her knees to her chest. “I slept for five years. Every time I close my eyes I fear when I open them, you’ll all be gone.” She tried to keep her tone playful, but she could feel Sylvain tense behind her.

“Is that really…” he let out an exasperated sigh “…shit, Professor. You should talk to someone about this. If I had known… if anyone had known…”

“You all have your own problems. It’s alright.”

He sighed and leaned back further and she sunk back with him. “I think we put too much pressure on you. We should really work on that.”

She chuckled quietly and shook her head. “I’m your general, Sylvain. We’re in the middle of a war. It’s expected for there to be some pressure.”

Sylvain’s reply died off as Dedue stirred before them. He lifted his head slowly and shook it slightly before a low grumble came from his throat.

She stood slowly and put the cloak back over an apprehensive Sylvain. She wrapped her arms around her torso to ward off the cold and dropped to her knees in front of him. “We’re still here, Dedue. Are you in pain?” He shook his head no. “Are you cold?” He tilted his head slightly before eventually shaking his head no. He raised one of his front limbs and motioned it toward her. “Are you asking about me?” He nodded his head yes. “I’m fine, Dedue. It’s cold, but Sylvain is helping me keep warm. He’s also helping me look through all of Cornelia’s things.” A low growl came from his throat and she tilted her head.

“This is so weird…” Sylvain chuckled slightly behind her and stood to place the cloak around her. 

A higher pitched whine from Dedue had her tilting her head again as Sylvain knelt down beside her. “I don’t know what you want, Dedue.” He laid down his head and let out something that sounded like a huff of frustration. “I know… it must be hard not being able to speak. I’m sorry.” She placed a hand on his head but he shook her away. “Dedue?” He shuffled back toward the back wall of the stall and turned to face it.

She glanced over at Sylvain and when Sylvain noticed he shrugged. “If it was me, I’d probably pout too.”

She frowned and furrowed her eyebrows. “Dedue?” She called his name softly but he didn’t move. She turned to Sylvain with a sigh. “Maybe he’s just tired. Come on, I’ll help you get some more reading done.”

They took up a similar position to the one they were in before. Sylvain sat against the wall with his legs apart and she sat in between them and put the cloak over the both of them. Sylvain pulled out his arms so he could show her some of the pages he had marked with interesting information and they talked about it for a long time as Dedue faced the wall.

Finally, the early morning light began to filter into the stables. Sylvain let out a yawn and raised his arms above his head. “I think that’s all I’ve got in me for right now, Professor. If I try to read any more my eyes might bleed. I wasn’t made for all of this studying.”

She furrowed her eyebrows and turned to him with a frown. “Did you get any sleep after the battle?”

He rubbed the back of his head with a sheepish grin. “Not exactly.”

She shoved his arm and stood quickly. “Go to bed. That’s an order.”

Sylvain chuckled, but stayed where he was on the floor. “No can do, Professor. His Highness says you shouldn’t be left on your own. I’m pretty sure he outranks you.” He winked as she scowled at him. “I’ll leave when someone comes to take over and I promise to try and sleep.”

Sylvain craned his neck slightly to look over at Dedue and raised an eyebrow. “I am curious to hear about what happens when you talk to Dedue.” He patted the ground between his legs and grabbed her arm to pull her back down.

“You just want the fluffy cloak back.” She crossed her arms and stood firm against his pull.

He threw his hand over his mouth to muffle a laugh. “Oh, come on. I really do want to hear what happens. His Highness said something about how it’s in your mind or something?” 

She sat down and covered them both with the cloak. “Yes. It’s something like that.” She sighed heavily and looked up at the ceiling. “There’s a lot I haven’t told you guys about me, purely because I don’t understand much of it myself.” 

She could feel Sylvain nodding his head. “That makes sense. I mean… after that day where you cut through the sky you seemed just as surprised as the rest of us. I guess no one really wanted to be the one to ask the questions. And then Edelgard was the Flame Emperor, and then you were gone. There hasn't been any... time.”

She hummed in agreement and tilted her head back to look at him. “Did you have questions? I know there’s more going on in that brain of yours than you let on.”

Sylvain flushed slightly and rubbed the back of his head. “Well… It all seemed so weird. You said the goddess granted you power to escape the darkness that swallowed you… but why you? I mean… you’re great and all… but why you?”

She chuckled slightly and leaned back against him. “That’s the question I ask myself all the time.” She sighed heavily and then shook her head. Suddenly Dedue’s head turned until he was looking at her. “Are you listening to?” Dedue’s head raised slowly and he nodded before dropping it back to the ground.

She chuckled and brought her knees to her chest. “When I was a girl, I used to dream of a green haired girl on a throne made of stone. She was always sleeping, and I could never wake her. But one day, she woke up and told me her name was Sothis.” Sylvain brought in a sharp breath behind her and she nodded. “Neither of us knew that that was the name of the goddess, she didn’t have any memories. It was like she was a part of me, and neither of us understood why.”

“After she woke up, I could hear her when I was awake. She would make comments about a mission, or something you guys had said. She listened to me cry when I lost Jeralt.” She sniffled and Sylvain placed a hand gently on her shoulder. “She was my friend.” 

“That’s crazy. The goddess was your friend? The person all of us pray to, was in you the whole time?” Sylvain chuckled dryly and shook his head.

“When I speak to Dedue, it’s similar to the place I used to see Sothis. And it’s similar to where she took us when we were sucked into the darkness of Zaharas after Solon cast that spell. I don’t know how it happens. I’ve just assumed it’s a power Sothis gave me.” 

Sylvain whistled lowly and shook his head. “I guess the falling off a cliff and sleeping for five years makes more sense now.” Dedue lifted his head and cocked it to the side. Sylvain chuckled, “I know, dude. That’s what I did when she told us, too.”

“Told us what?” Ingrid walked around the corner with a man behind her. She was holding a pile of blankets while the man behind her carried a cot. “What are you doing, Sylvain?!” Her eyes went wide when she saw them huddled in the corner and she dropped the blankets to stomp over toward them. 

Byleth stood quickly and put her hands up in an attempt to calm her. “It’s alright, Ingrid. I asked him to. I was cold, and when we were mercenaries that’s what we always did to keep warm. He barely even wanted to.” 

Sylvain rubbed the back of his head as he flushed. “Yeah! The Professor was cold, I was just trying to help out. But if you brought blankets, then she’ll be plenty warm now.” Ingrid continued to glare at him until he chuckled awkwardly as he picked up his armor and stepped toward the entrance. “And on that note… thanks for the story Professor. I’ll going to go and get some sleep.” 

Ingrid bent down with a huff to pick up the blankets she had dropped and Byleth walked out to grab the cot the man had abandoned some time during their little altercation. “I’m sorry about him, Professor. Even after all these years and with everything that’s going on… he’ll never change.” 

Byleth raised an eyebrow and turned to her. “Do you really think that? I thought he was different from the moment I saw him again.” She turned to set up the cot and Ingrid stayed quiet behind her. The now familiar whining noise came from Dedue and she turned around quickly when Ingrid startled. “It’s alright, it’s just Dedue.”

She walked over and dropped to her knees. “Are you in pain again?” Dedue nodded yes, so she drew out her healing magic and placed it on his head. He made a low hum and his head dropped back to the floor. “Are you alright? Do you need anything else?” Dedue tilted his head for a moment before shaking his head no and shifting back to tuck it in the corner.

She turned to go back to fixing up her cot, but stilled when she saw Ingrid’s face. She slowly walked toward her and put a hand on her arm. “Are you alright, Ingrid? You’re crying.”

Ingrid sniffled and rubbed the sleeve of her tunic across her cheeks to dry them. “I just can’t believe this happened. Dedue… he guarded His Highness… can you imagine if it had…” She shook her head and sighed. She whispered, “Dedue doesn’t deserve this. I’ve been so terrible to him in the past and…” 

“I know, Ingrid.” She patted her shoulder and then tilted her head slightly to the side. “I can leave if you want to talk to him. He can’t say anything back, but he would know and it might give you peace of mind?”

“But…” Ingrid glanced over her shoulder and looked at Dedue. “What do I even say?”

She shrugged and walked toward the door. “Whatever you want to. I’m going to stretch my legs for a moment and try to find some food.” She froze as a thought struck her, and turned to Dedue. “Dedue?” His head raised slowly and his red eyes met hers. “Are you hungry?” Dedue tilted his head slightly but shook his head no. “Would you tell me if you were?” He stilled for a second, but eventually nodded. She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I’m going to try and get some food. Ingrid is going to stay with you for a while. I’ll be back soon.” A whine sounded from his throat and he shook his head in frustration. 

She walked toward him and put a hand on his head. “I’ll come and talk to you after I eat, then you can say whatever you want to, okay? I’m sure Ingrid will be fine to watch over us, right?” She glanced over her shoulder at Ingrid, who looked pale and her eyes were wide. Ingrid gave her a stiff nod and she chuckled softly. “I told you he understands. I’ll be back soon.”

  
Not long after she entered the castle, Gilbert entered her view and quickly walked over to her. With a bow he said, “Professor, you are finally awake.” 

She nodded her head and said, “I’ve been up since before dawn. Sylvain and I went over more information, looking for a solution to help Dedue.”

His lips set into a thin line before he asked, “And were you successful?”

She shook her head and bit her lip. “Not yet. We still have time, though.”

Gilbert shook his head and his tone was grim as he said, “Professor, there is something I must show you.” 

She tensed at his tone. “What is it Gilbert?”

“You should come with me.” He walked away and she had no choice but to follow. As they walked, he began by saying, “I had some of the Knights of Seiros search the castle while you were sleeping. You need to see what they found in the prison cells.”

She tensed further as her heart began to pound in her ears. She took a deep breath and forced her face to remain neutral. Even with all of the effort she put into it, her voice still wavered as she asked, “The prison cells?”

Gilbert nodded slowly and after a couple flights of stairs that led below the ground, he finally stopped to unlock a door. Before he opened it he said, “I feel I must warn you. We believe this is where Cornelia was testing her… magic.”

“She was using prisoners as her subjects?”

“We believe so.”

“Goddess…” It came out as a whisper as she stepped into the dark stone hallway. The first thing that hit her was the smell. Death and decay assaulted her nostrils in a way that no battleground ever had. As she looked around, her eyes went wide. Each cell held a mangled version of the beast that Dedue had become, but none of them made any sound or lifted their heads as they came in.

“Professor… none of them survived. By the time we got here, all of them were dead.” He walked over to a desk that sat at the far end of the room. “We found this. We believe it’s the records they kept of their… experiments.” He held out a rather thick journal for her to see.

She reached out a trembling hand and took it from him. “Has Dimitri been informed? Has he seen any of this yet?”

Gilbert’s eyebrows furrowed as he shook his head. “I wanted to wait to discuss it with you. We both know that His Highness is in a… precarious state… right now.”

She shook her head quickly and yelled, “We can’t just keep this from him! Where is he?”

“Professor…”

“Where… is… he?” Her voice was steel as she stepped closer to Gilbert.

He bowed and after straightening said, “I will take you to him.”

She held her chin high and clenched her fists to keep her hands from shaking as they walked through the castle. People bowed to her as she walked by, but all she could manage was a nod as her thoughts spiraled. _Did they die because of the transformation? If so, how long do we have? Maybe they starved them and that’s how they died. We don’t know anything, yet._ She glanced down at the notebook in her hand and clenched her jaw. _Should I even tell Dimitri before I look through this? Gilbert was right. This might break him… This might break me…_

Gilbert opened a door and called, “Your Highness, the Professor would like to speak with you.”

Dimitri’s voice was cheerful as he said, “Professor! How is the search coming along?” As soon as she walked into the room and he looked up from the papers he was glancing at, his eye narrowed and his voice was icy when he said, “Gustave, leave us.”

“Yes, Your Highness.” Gilbert left the room after one last glance at her.

“Professor… what is it?” Dimitri stood slowly and walked around his desk. 

His tone of voice was something you would use with a frightened horse and something in her wanted to laugh at the irony in that fact. How many times had she used that tone with him since she had woken up? How many nights had she nervously watched, waiting for him to explode? She wanted to explode. She wanted to scream, cry, and throw things… but then where would any of them be? She had never felt more weight on her shoulders than when Dimitri dragged her over to a chair and she sank into it with a heavy sigh.

“While I was sleeping, Gilbert had some of the Knights of Seiros search the castle…” She glanced up at Dimitri and he nodded.

“Yes, I was informed of the search. They haven’t returned to me with any reports.”

She dropped her gaze and whispered, “They found the test subjects for whatever experiments they were doing to create the spell Cornelia used on Dedue.”

Dimitri growled, “Why wasn’t I informed of this?”

She raised her head and her lip trembled as she whispered, “None of them made it. They were all dead by the time we took the capitol back. Gilbert… he didn’t want to tell you, but I knew we couldn’t keep this from you.”

One bright blue eye went wide as the Crowned Prince of Faerghus sank to his knees. “What… what does this mean, Professor?”

Her hand trembled as she lifted the notebook in her hand. “Gilbert told me this notebook holds their findings. I haven’t read it yet. I am going back to the stables now… I promised I would speak with Dedue… and then I will read everything.”

Dimitri stared at her for a long time before his face crumpled into a look of agony. Pain coursed through her chest as she reached out a hand to him. His head landed in her lap and he gripped her legs with his brutal strength as he cried. She brushed her hand through his hair as tears fell down her cheeks. “I’m going to do everything I can, Dimitri. I swear it. It’s not over yet.”

“He’s my friend, Professor. How am I supposed to continue? The dead… they still call for vengeance. How am I supposed to continue? Will Dedue join my father, stepmother, and Glenn in calling for her head? In haunting me every moment? I do not think I could bear it!”

“Dedue would never do that, Dimitri.” She continued to run her fingers through his hair. She wanted to tell him everything was alright, that they would make it through this, but she didn’t believe it herself. All she could do was stroke his hair and hush him until his sobs subsided. 

“Dimitri… I have to go. Dedue is waiting for me.” 

He straightened and she watched as he tried to put himself back together. “Of course, Professor. I’m sorry to…”

“No, Dimitri. It is fine for you to feel whatever you are feeling. You do not need to apologize.” She stood and ran a hand through her hair. “I wanted a bath and some food…” she chuckled and shook her head “… there’s just never enough time, is there?”

Dimitri smiled weakly and nodded. “The unfortunate reality for people in our positions.” She nodded and walked toward the door. “Thank you, Professor. I don’t say it enough… but thank you for all you are doing.”

“Don’t thank me, yet.” 

She shut the door behind her and took off in a sprint toward the stables. She ran in breathing heavily and found Ingrid with her weapon drawn and Dedue standing on all fours behind her. “Stand down, it’s just me.”

Ingrid let out a sigh and put down her lance as Dedue dropped with a heavy sigh. “What is it, Professor? You look upset.”

Byleth walked forward and knelt in front of Dedue. “Dedue, I need to speak with you… and I need you to be able to speak back.” He nodded slowly and she rested a hand on his head. She tried to focus to find him in the void but she was panicking. She tried to slow her breathing and focus, but her body started to tremble and her terrified thoughts wouldn't quiet. She couldn’t focus enough to get it to work.

“DAMN IT!” She stood with a shout. Ingrid startled and a whine escaped from Dedue’s throat. “Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it…” She paced, clenching and unclenching her fists. Again, Dedue whined and he tried to stand but fell with a grunt. _He can barely stand. It’s already getting worse._

“…Professor?” Ingrid was standing off to the side with her eyes wide. “What’s happening? I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Ingrid, I need you to go and get me some food. Please.” 

She could only imagine how she must look right now, because Ingrid backed away slowly with fear written all over her face and said, “Of course, Professor. I’ll give you a few minutes.” She ran out the door without another glance.

Dedue let out another whine as she continued to pace. “I know, I know…” Her breathing became shorter and her vision began to blur around the edges. She flung the cursed notebook against the wall before she dropped to her knees and clutched her head in her hands. _You have to calm down. You can’t do anything if you don’t CALM DOWN._ “Goddess…” she panted out between her sharp inhales “I miss not having emotions.” _I can’t do this. I can’t do this. What if I can’t fix him? What if he dies? It would break Dimitri… I think it would break ME._

Dedue whined again behind her and she heard shuffling before a weight pressed against her back. She turned her head and was met with red eyes staring into hers as Dedue sat behind her. “I know. I’m sorry. I can’t… I can’t…” Her eyes burned and she shook her head away to fight away the tears. 

She pushed her palms into her eyes and focused on her breathing. After several minutes her breath finally began to slow and exhaustion gripped her like a vice. She stood slowly and stretched, trying to shake off the feeling of fatigue that her panic had left her with. Another whine sounded from Dedue as he watched her. “Okay… okay… I’ll try again. I think I can do it now.” Dedue shook his head and motioned it toward the door. “It can’t wait until someone comes.” He tilted his head and moved it in the direction of the notebook that was now open on the floor.

“If I read that…” she took a steadying breath “… if I read that I won’t be able to focus.” She stepped toward him to place a hand on his head but he shuffled away from her, back toward the wall. “Dedue… now is not the time to be stubborn.” A deep growl came from his throat and he bared his teeth at her. 

“Fine.” She stepped back and clenched her fists. Slowly she walked over to the notebook and bent down to pick it up. She turned her back to him and walked out the door and out of the stables. The cold air settled into her bones as she stepped outside. _I really do miss not having emotions._ She looked up at the sky and took in a deep breath that helped to clear her mind. _I need to speak to Dedue… but do I really want to tell him what was in the prison cells before I know what killed them?_

She glanced down at the notebook that felt like the source of all of her problems and shook her head. _I have to read this. I have to find out everything before I can try to fix this._ A soft whine echoed out of the stables and she turned slowly toward the sound. _He can’t even follow me… I can’t leave him alone._

She walked back in and found Dedue, trying to drag himself toward the door. His head flew up as she entered and he dropped his head to the ground with a whine. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you. I know you’re only trying to look out for me.” She knelt down in front of him and placed her glowing hands on his head again. _The pain must be getting worse. We’ll need to heal him more often._

His head lifted before dropping in her lap, and she looked down at him in silence. His breathing was shallow and everything about this terrified her. 

“Professor?” Mercedes soft voice drifted toward her from the door. “I wanted to come and check on you and Dedue. Where is Ingrid?”

“I sent her away for a moment. Can you watch over us for a while so I can speak to Dedue?” 

“Of course, Professor.”

She took a deep breath and placed her hands on Dedue’s head. The distant feeling of him was finally there again as she searched. She focused on it and finally opened her eyes to Sothis’ void.

Dedue stood at the bottom of the stairs looking up at her with concern in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was soft and tears filled her eyes.

“I know.” She sat down on the steps and held her head in her hands as her body shook and tears streamed from her eyes.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” Dedue had walked up the stairs and now crouched down in front of her.

“Gilbert had the Knights of Seiros search the castle after we took it. Cornelia was using prisoners as test subjects for the spell she cast on you.” She looked up and met his eyes.

A frown pulled his lips and he leaned closer to her. “And?”

“They were all dead.”

He knelt down in front of her and reached out his hands, but stopped himself before he touched her. He clenched his hands into fists and brought them down to his sides. “Byleth…”

“The pain is getting worse… isn’t it?” 

Dedue nodded slowly and averted his gaze. “It’s becoming harder and harder to focus outside of this darkness.”

“Oh Sothis…” She dropped her head back down into her lap with a heavy sigh. “That notebook… Gilbert said it’s the records of everything they did to those poor people. We found out that Cornelia’s goal was to create Demonic Beasts without the need for a crest stone, but you are a quarter of the size and you are too weak and in too much pain to fight. She must have just thought this would be a painful way to go and that’s why she cast it at Dimitri.”

She lifted her head and sighed at the sight of Dedue watching her in concern. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“How am I looking at you?” His voice was soft as he moved closer to her.

“Like you are worried about me. You are the one who is in pain, you are the one who is in danger. You don’t get to look at me like that.”

“Byleth…” 

“No.” She shut her eyes and shook her head. “I have to go and read that notebook. I have to find out what to do to stop this.”

Dedue was quiet for a long time and she put her head down into her hands with her eyes still clenched shut. “Byleth, look at me.” She took a deep breath and opened her eyes. “This isn’t your fault. I don’t want this for you.”

“You keep saying that…” She shook her head and Dedue reached out a hand, but again stopped himself.

“It’s true.” They stared at each other for a while until Dedue looked down at the floor between them. “Will you stay with me… just a moment longer?”

“Of course.”

He moved to sit beside her, as close as he could without breaking whatever connection they had. “Did Ingrid speak with you?”

He looked out into the darkness and nodded. “It was hard to focus on everything she said. It was mostly that she was sorry, and she wished things could have been different. I do not blame her for how she treated me. It was how everyone treated me when I came to Fodlan.” He glanced back at her with a soft smile. “Except for you. You were never frightened of me, or hateful towards me. You treated me just like everyone else.”

“I know what it’s like to be feared and to have people turn from you. It wasn’t right what they did to your people, to your home.”

He nodded and looked back out into the darkness. “Will you help His Highness take the throne? Will you help him restore Duscur?”

“Yes. I will for you.” It came out as a whisper as her throat squeezed tight with emotion.

“Will you care for the flowers from Duscur in the greenhouse? Will you make sure that they survive?”

“Stop talking like you are dying today. I won’t let you.”

He turned to her and his eyes were full of sorrow. “I am tired, Byleth.”

“Then let me go. Let me go and read, so I can help you.”

“It is not me that needs to let go.” He shook his head. “I do not know how much more time I can give you, but I will give you all I have. That’s all I’ve ever…” He shook his head and looked away from her. “You should go. I will wait for you.”

“Dedue… will you touch me?” His fists clenched and he closed his eyes before he turned away from her. They sat in silence for what felt like a lifetime until she whispered, “It’s alright.” She stood slowly and walked down the stairs and into the darkness. 

She opened her eyes to a concerned Mercedes. “Are you alright, Professor? You’re crying.”

She sat up slowly and wiped her face on her sleeve. “Will you stay with him awhile? There are some things I need to do.” Mercedes nodded and lightly squeezed her hand. “He’ll need lots of healing. He’s in a lot of pain.” She sighed and stood to walk towards the door. “I’ll be back soon.”


	4. Chapter 4

_“Dedue… will you touch me?”_ He could almost laugh at the fact that the simplest question could fill him with despair. It was all he wished to do, but it would never be enough in this place. He would have to feel her fade away and he couldn’t bear that if he was going to finally let himself hold her. He could feel her stare as she watched him, and he could hear the hurt as she told him it was alright. But it wasn’t. None of this was. He had watched as the pain consumed her when she walked into the stables. He had watched her fall apart and have to put the pieces back together again. He didn't want her to hurt. 

_Could she… love me?_ Even the thought was the sweetest agony as he watched her walk out of the stables. He had watched how she cared for His Highness, and he had seen Sylvain hold her that morning. Would she be in this state for any of us? Would she fall apart like this if it had been any of her lions? Was this just the love of a tenderhearted former professor for her student?

 _“They were all dead.”_ Of course, they were. Of course, Cornelia would be cruel enough to turn His Highness into a hideous beast as he slowly died in agony. That devil woman always enjoyed watching his pain, and now she was going to win. There was nothing Byleth could do. He knew it. But he could not ask her to kill him. The pain in her eyes when he asked her the first time had been too much for him. He couldn’t make her live with that the rest of her life.

There was still so much he wished to know of her. There were so many questions he wanted to ask her, and so many stories he wished to tell her. He wanted to take her to Duscur, show her what was left of his homeland and his people. He wanted to kiss her in a field of Duscur blooms, and hold her close for the rest of his days. He wanted to cook her meals that would bring that lovely smile to her face, and listen to her hum as she worked beside him in the greenhouse. He wanted forever, but he didn't have the courage to even take today.

 _His Highness loves her… he always has._ The last shred of his humanity had crumbled when Alois had told them they could not find her, and they could not find a body. He had flown into a rage the likes of which none of them had seen. He had walked into this very castle and demanded to see his Uncle Rufus so he could take the throne and declare war on Edelgard and the Empire. _“She has taken everything from me, Dedue. She has taken everything from us. She will pay for the death of our dear Professor. She will regret it as I rip her head from her shoulders and her soul is banished to the eternal flames.”_ Even if she could possibly love one such as he, he could not stand in His Highness’ way.

“Dedue?” He forced his eyes to open to the darkness in the stables, instead of the darkness of that void. _How long has it been? It was still morning when she left..._ He opened his eyes to Byleth, kneeling down in front of him. “Dedue?” He raised his head and placed it on her lap, his exhale was ragged and thin. He felt the pull on his mind and he followed it, opening his mind to the darkness of the void. He finally took a deep breath and relaxed. The pain was a buzzing in his mind somewhere far away.

“Dedue?” He turned to find Byleth, dressed in a long white dress that flowed down her arms and pooled at her feet. He walked forward and stood before her.

“Byleth.” Her skin was pale, and her eyes were rimmed with red from crying. 

“I couldn’t find anything. The subjects... they...”

He hummed and nodded his head. “You’ve done everything you could.”

She shook her head slowly and sat down on the stair. “No, but I still have something I’d like to do.” He raised an eyebrow in confusion, but moved to sit beside her. His eyes never left her face. She smiled sadly and pointed toward the darkness. “Look.”

He looked out and no longer saw just darkness. What used to be darkness was now filled with specks of light, like stars twinkling in the heavens. Below them was a sea of blooming Duscur flowers, just like the ones in the greenhouse, that spread as far as he could see.

He looked at her, eyes wide and mouth open in awe. “How…?”

She smiled softly and looked up at him. “It’s all my mind, right? I should be able to bend our place into something pleasant for you.”

He whispered, “You really are a goddess.”

She shook her head slowly and laughed a sad laugh. “No. People wish for me to be. I think Lady Rhea and Seteth think I am, but I’m not. I’m just a mercenary.”

“You… you are my goddess. You may not be Fodlan’s goddess or a god of Duscur, but you are my goddess.”

She nodded slowly as a tear trailed down her cheek. “I’m yours, Dedue.”

His throat tightened as he looked out toward the landscape she had created for him. “There’s nothing I would like more than to take you to see the real fields of flowers in Duscur. I could introduce you to the last of my people. We could dance under the stars.”

He turned to her and stared at pale green hair and eyes that lit up in the light that shined just for them. “That’s what I dreamed of, while I recovered in Duscur. I dreamed of this, with you. Did you dream of anything when you slept?”

She shook her head slowly and then tilted her head slightly to the side. “I remember falling, I remember all I could see was sky, and then there was nothing. I woke on a riverbed. Some poor villager fished me out of the water and told me five years had passed. I didn’t believe him. All I knew was that my students needed me, so I ran to the monastery.” Tears glistened in her eyes as she looked up at him. “I found Dimitri in the goddess tower, where we met what felt like only a few months prior. He was broken and changed. He told me you died for him, and I grieved. I cried and I cried for my tall, strong, stoic lion.”

He nodded and looked toward their stars. “I grieved you, too. Alois told us you had been lost. They took His Highness away when we entered the castle and I thought I had lost everything.” He let out a heavy sigh, thinking of the despair he had felt. “I helped him escape, and then I fought until I couldn’t fight anymore. Cornelia had me taken away, she tortured me trying to find out information I didn’t have, and then she tortured me just to watch me scream. My brothers saved me and they took me to Duscur.”

“It doesn’t seem fair does it?” Her voice was a whisper that even in the silence he had to strain to hear.

“Which part?”

She chuckled softly and said, “That we have already grieved one another, but we still find ourselves in this situation.”

“Which situation?” 

He looked toward her and she frowned. “I don’t want to grieve you again.”

He shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “Then don’t.” They sat in the silence for a while, staring out at the flowers and stars before them. She stood slowly and walked down the stairs. He stood quickly and cried, “Wait… don’t leave! Please!” 

She smiled softly and held out her hand. “I’m not. Come with me?”

He walked the steps down to her side and she continued down into the flowers. The scent of the greenhouse filled his mind and he inhaled deeply before letting out a sigh. His voice was soft as he asked, “Is this how you see me?”

She turned to him and raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

He gestured to his white tunic and dark trousers, simple and soft where he was normally armored and sharp. “When you think of me, do you think of this Dedue. The one from the greenhouse, not the sword and shield of His Highness.”

Her eyes glistened as she stepped toward him. He could feel the warmth of her radiating into his skin and he closed his eyes to try and keep the feeling with him. “You are the only one that thinks of yourself as only a weapon, Dedue.” She reached up and touched his cheek gently. “I cannot love a weapon. I can only love a man.”

He opened his eyes and tilted his head down toward her. “I wish I were a man.” He reached out his arms and circled her waist, pressing her up against him until he could feel every part of her.   
The fading feeling began to pull at his mind and he willed it away.

She stepped out of his hold and tears streamed down her cheeks. “You… do not love me?”

It was only a whisper, but it felt like a dagger in his chest that twisted until all he felt was pain. He reached out for her but she stepped away from him. “I am not a man, Byleth. I haven’t been since Duscur. I am a sword and shield…”

“Enough!” Her shout rang through the void and through his bones as her hair and eyes began to glow. She stepped back further and she shouted. “SOTHIS!” 

“Byleth…” She turned from him and seemed to float above the flowers as wind came from nothing and made the buds sway.

“SOTHIS!” She cried it again and her hair began to float from her shoulders. The ground beneath him began to shake as he ran toward her. “Sothis! I can’t take any more of this! Where are you? You said you were a part of me. You are supposed to be a goddess. Fix this!”

“Byleth!” His voice could not pierce the wind, all there was in this void was her as he ran and ran to try and reach her. Suddenly she turned to him and the breath was stolen from his lungs. Pale green hair flew out in waves from her head and her eyes glowed, piercing straight through him. Her white dress was luminescent as it flowed like water around her body.

“Byleth?” Tears streamed from her cheeks as she landed on the ground. He knelt down on the ground before her and looked up at her face.  
Her hands glowed with green light as she pressed them to his chest. Fire lit in his veins and scoured through every part of him. He trembled as he knelt in the flowers but his eyes never left her face. The void around them began to fade and he fell down into the darkness.

  
“Holy shit…” he groaned and opened his eyes to the darkness of the stables again. “Holy shit…” _Is that… Sylvain?_ He felt fabric cover him and warmth spread through his limbs. “Holy shit… I gotta tell somebody. I gotta tell His Highness… Holy shit!” 

He lifted his head slightly and saw Sylvain pacing in the light of a single candle. He looked around the room and saw Byleth, laying on the ground in the same white dress he had seen in the darkness.

“Dedue?” Sylvain ran up to him and knelt down beside him. “Are you with me buddy?” Sylvain reached out a hand and touched his shoulder. _Wait… my shoulder._ He sat up quickly and it made his head spin. He looked down and saw a blue cloak spread over him. He lifted his hands and they were his, no more scales or claws. Just dark skin and scars that he had earned in too many battles. 

“Sylvain?” 

“Holy shit.” Sylvain turned to Byleth and knelt down beside her. “Professor? Professor can you hear me?” He shook her shoulder but she didn’t move. He pressed a hand to her chest and mumbled something under his breath before grasping her wrist and pressing fingers to her neck.

“Sylvain… what happened?” Dedue tried to move toward Byleth, but his limbs felt heavy. 

“Woah woah woah… Don’t move.”

“Is she alright?”

Sylvain looked at Byleth and whispered, “She doesn’t have a heartbeat but she does have a weak pulse.”

“She… doesn’t have a heartbeat?”

Sylvain shook his head as his eyes began to fill with tears. Sylvain’s voice cracked as he said, “I have to go and get Mercedes and His Highness. You stay here.” He backed away slowly at first but then turned and ran through the door.

“Byleth?” Dedue crawled toward her slowly until he finally rested a hand on her face. “Byleth? Wake up.” He traced his thumb along her jaw, and then a knuckle along her cheekbone. He tucked a stray strand of silky pale green hair behind her ear and whispered, “Byleth, you have to wake up now.” She did not stir. He laid his head on her chest and it was just as Sylvain said. She had no heartbeat. Panic ripped through him as he got to his knees and took her in his arms. “Byleth? Byleth… please?”

A few minutes later running footsteps came toward them, but he didn’t look away from her face. “Dedue?” His Highness’ voice called out to him as he rushed toward them. “What happened?”

“I do not know. She will not wake.” His voice did not even sound like his, it was a hollow and broken whisper as he stared down at her.

More running footsteps and heavy breathing and His Highness turned on instinct to guard them. Mercedes rushed to Byleth’s side, wearing a nightgown and robe, as Sylvain stood panting in the doorway. Mercedes hands glowed with white light as she scanned them over Byleth’s body. “It’s magic exhaustion. I… I don’t know how she’s still alive.”

“She is alive?” His head raised to look at Mercedes who gave him a soft smile. 

“I think she is just sleeping. She burned through all the magic she had… somehow maybe even more than she had.” Her eyebrows furrowed with worry. “I don’t know how long it will take her to wake. What happened?”

Sylvain was bent over with his hands on his knees as he panted. He took a deep breath and stood up straight. “They were both asleep until suddenly the Professor’s hair began to glow. I thought it was just a trick of the light, but then she stood up. Her back was to me so I tried to get her attention, but she wouldn’t respond. I walked around to face her and even her eyes were glowing. Her hair floated around her head and she bent down and put a hand on Dedue and then… well that.” He waved his hand at Dedue and they all stared. “She collapsed and then Dedue woke up. It was like… like the Professor was a goddess or something.”

His Highness knelt down and picked up Byleth. “Let’s get her out of the cold. We’ll find a place she can rest.”

Dedue tried to stand, but Sylvain rushed forward and put a hand on his shoulder. “Woah, buddy. Wait until Mercedes leaves.”

Mercedes flushed and turned away to follow His Highness and Byleth out the door. “Why…?” He looked down and realized all he had on his body was the blue cloak. “Oh… thank you.”

“No problem.” Sylvain bent down and pulled him up to standing once the other footsteps had receded. “Let’s get you out of the cold, too. Shall we?”

“You have to take me to her.”

Sylvain chuckled and shook his head. “Well, let’s get you some clothes first, then we can talk.”

They trudged slowly across the courtyard and up the stairs to his old room from before they left for the Academy. Sylvain deposited him on the bed and rummaged through the packs in the corner. “You… kept my things?” 

Sylvain chuckled as he pulled out smallclothes, and the light tunic and trousers he normally wore under his armor. “The Professor told us we should have the room ready for you that first day. She wasn’t giving up on you.” He walked over and placed the clothes on the bed. “How do you feel?”

“Tired… and sore.” 

Sylvain chuckled dryly and ran a hand through his hair. “Well… I guess that makes sense. Do you need help dressing?” He shook his head no and Sylvain smiled softly. “Alright. I’ll leave you to rest.”

“Will you find out where they took her?”

“She needs rest, Dedue. You both do.”

“Please?”

Sylvain sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll talk to His Highness and then come back. You get dressed.”

He reached out and grabbed the smallclothes beside him as the latch of the door closed behind Sylvain. His movements were slow as he dressed, his limbs becoming accustomed to themselves again as fatigue and hunger sought relief. _How long will she sleep? Will she even wake? Will it take five years? Please... it can't take five years..._

He sat on the edge of the bed, once he was dressed, and closed his eyes. _“I cannot love a weapon. I can only love a man.”_ His fists clenched and his eyes began to burn. _“You… do not love me?”_ Tears flowed down his cheeks as he pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes. _She thinks I do not love her. She thinks I do not love her and she still did this. What if she does not wake?_

A soft knock sounded at the door and his voice cracked as he called, “Come in.”

“Dedue, my friend.” His Highness walked in and stood at the foot of the bed. “Sylvain says you wish to see the Professor. You really should rest.”

“I have to stay by her side until she wakes, Your Highness. Please?” 

He turned toward his liege and His Highness gasped. “Dedue? Dedue are you hurt?” Dedue wiped his face with his sleeve and shook his head. After a few moments of silence, His Highness sighed heavily and said, “I’ll take you to her. Come.” He pulled one of Dedue’s arms over his shoulders and looped an arm around his waist. His liege carried him to the room His Highness grew up in, and the ache in his chest compounded. “She’s just in here, friend.”

Dedue planted his feet and stopped outside the door. His Highness turned to him and his eyebrows furrowed. “What troubles you, Dedue?”

“This… this is a mistake. I should not be here.” He turned to go back to his old room but His Highness grabbed his arm.

“I need you to watch over her until she wakes, Dedue. The Blue Lions and I must set out in the morning for Derdriu. We’ve received a letter from Claude von Riegan. The Alliance is in trouble. Will you stay with her?” 

“Your Highness… I…”

“Come, Dedue. You can rest in here.” His liege began to drag him toward the door even as Dedue’s tired limbs protested. He opened the door and Dedue froze. Byleth was laid on the bed, covered by a blanket. She looked so small and pale, and terror stoked a blazing fire in his chest. _“You… do not love me?”_

“I should not be here.”

His Highness groaned and dragged him to the other side of the obscenely large bed. “Lay down, Dedue. I will check on you in the morning.”

“But Your Highness…”

“Just do it. You look like you are about to fall over from exhaustion.” Dedue sat gingerly on the bed and swung his legs up. He laid down on his back and stared up at the royal blue canopy that covered the bed. “There. I will come in to check on you both before we set out. I have already notified the servants that your meals are to be brought to you here. It will be your responsibility to look after her and get some rest while we head to Derdriu.”

“But…”

“Goodnight.” The door clicked softly behind his liege as he walked out the door. 

Dedue turned to his side slowly and stared at Byleth on the other side of the bed. He rolled over until he could reach out and touch the back of her hand. “Please, wake up.” He watched carefully as her chest rose and fell with each breath she took, until finally his eyes shut and he fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

“Well, now you’ve done it. You are the same foolish child, always throwing yourself into every situation!” Byleth groaned and lifted her head, blinking away the stars in her eyes. “Really, you would think even you would learn to think before you act so foolishly.” _Sothis?_

She sat up quickly and noticed she was still in their place. She was laying down in the Duscur blooms that were just like the greenhouse and the stars she had imagined were still above her. She looked toward the throne and saw… her?

“Sothis?”

“Look what you did!” It was Sothis’ voice, but it was her body that she was staring at. She looked down and her body looked… faded? Like it wasn’t all there. She stood slowly on shaky limbs and tried to look for Dedue, but she couldn’t see him.

“What… Sothis what happened?”

“You are asking ME what happened? You are the one who took over my void, changed everything, and then asked me to fix your lion cub. I don’t know what you did, but I had to use your body! I don’t even know if your human body could channel all of that power. How could you be so thoughtless?!”

“You… had to use my body? Wait. Where’s Dedue? Dedue was here!”

Sothis that looked like her rolled her eyes and sat down in her throne. “I know he was here. You had me fix him, so I did.”

Byleth’s chest exploded with warmth. She grinned and ran up the steps toward Sothis. “He’s okay? You were able to break that spell? Is he back to normal?”

Sothis’… her face… softened and she nodded. It was weird to be able watch her own facial expressions. “Yes, I did. But Byleth..." she paused and took one of Byleth's slightly faded hands "...I don’t know what happens now.”

She tilted her head to the side and stared. “Why do you look like me?”

Sothis rolled her eyes again, dropping her hands with a huff. “Do you even listen to me? How long has it been since we have spoken and you won’t even pay attention?” She groaned and leaned her head into her fist. “You pulled me here, you made me use my power. I had to use your body. That is why I look like this, and you look like that.”

Byleth looked down again, she could see the stone beneath her as she sat on her knees before Sothis' throne. “Wait… what about the Lions? What are they seeing? Is Dedue alright?”

Sothis sighed and lifted her hand, waving it over the landscape that she had created. The flowers and stars faded away, and in their place, she saw a room with a bed. She-- or rather her body-- was laid out on the bed, covered by a blanket. 

“This is how I used to see you, before the darkness of Zaharas. I could see and hear the things around you. I could feel everything you felt.” She closed her eyes and smiled. “If I concentrate, I can feel the warmth of the blanket that is spread over your body.”

“But… where is everyone? Sylvain was with us when I came here to speak with Dedue. He must have seen what happened and…” She trailed off as she saw Dedue walk into the picture. She gasped and put a hand over her mouth. _He’s… he’s really back. He’s really him!_

Dedue was in plain clothes, which was rather unusual. She also noticed how fatigued he was. He had dark circles under his eyes and his movements were sluggish. Dedue sat on the bed beside her body and sat her up slightly. He lifted a bowl of something to her lips and poured it in her mouth slowly. When he finished, he laid her down and brushed his hand through her hair. “Byleth… you have to wake. Please?” Dedue’s voice was quiet as he stared down at her body. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You have to wake so I can tell you… you have to wake so I can tell you how sorry I am.”

She turned to Sothis and saw tears gathering in the corner of her eyes. “What… what’s happening, Sothis? Why can’t I wake up?”

A tear trailed down Sothis’ cheek and she shook her head. “I don’t know. I had to use a lot of magic to fix Dedue. I do not know if this will be like your sleep after the cliff, or… if you will even wake.” 

Byleth turned back to the image of her on the bed. Dedue had left, she was still laid out on the bed. “He thinks it’s his fault.” It came out as a whisper and she put her hand over her mouth again. “Oh goddess…”

“Do you see what I mean now, child? I don’t know what happens now.”

“How long… how long have I been asleep?” She turned to Sothis, her fingers still covering her mouth.

“It’s hard to tell. I opened my… your… eyes, and Dedue was kneeling before me. He said your name, and my magic flowed through you… I… we placed our hands on his chest.” Sothis rubbed a hand over her face with an exasperated sigh. “This is all so very confusing!” She groaned loudly and slumped back into the throne. “I think the effort of having to take over your body was a lot for me. I woke up not long after, so I think it might have been about three days? Something like that.”

“Three days… I have been like that for three days.” She turned back to the image of her in the bed. Dedue was back. He had a chair pulled up to the bed and he sat, folded in half, with his head resting on the bed near her arm. “Dedue…” She reached out her hand like she could touch him, before dropping it with a sigh. “Where is everyone else?”

Sothis hummed and said, “I’ve been wondering that myself. The stoic lion is the only one who has been to see you. Why would that be?”

“I have no idea… Dimitri must be… oh no… Dimitri!” She stood quickly and turned to face Sothis. “We have to fix this. Dimitri, he won’t make it if something happens. Dedue will be fine, but Dimitri needs to win this war. He’s still getting better. If I am gone for another five years…” She shivered at the memory of meeting him at the tower. 

Sothis grimaced and nodded. “I know, child. That poor boy has been through much. Your stoic lion, as well. That was really dark magic that was used for that spell… it was… oddly familiar.” She tilted her head into her hand. “How is it that I STILL cannot remember?” She sighed in frustration and shook her head.

“What are we going to do?” Her voice was shook and was thin with worry. She turned back to the image, Dedue was staring at her body. He reached out his hand like he was going to take hers, but he stopped and shook his head before standing and walking away.

“I suppose… I suppose we wait. That's all we can do.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait for such a short chapter. I've been working on another fic and this one slipped to the back burner. I should be finishing this one by Sunday... should. Hopefully. Hope you are enjoying so far!
> 
> What are they going to do? Is she going to wake up? How long is it going to take?!
> 
> Poor Dedue.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a week since Dedue had woken up and Byleth had not. It had been seven days full of despair as he watched her lying still as the grave. He had to tend to her, wash her, and try to keep her fed. After the agony of not being able to touch her in their void, he had thought that it couldn’t get worse. But it could. Being able to touch and feel her while she can’t reciprocate was worse than anything.

He finally realized all of the things that made Byleth so beautiful. It was the crinkle in the corner of her eyes when she looked at her Lions. It was the upward tilt of her mouth when she found something amusing. It was the furrow in her brow as she planned the next battle. It was the gleam in her eyes when she helped someone she cared about. These were the things that made Byleth who she was. And all of those things were gone.

It felt so wrong to touch her when she didn’t know what was happening. It felt wrong to touch her when she thought he didn’t love her. 

He does love her. He loves her so much that the thought of her not waking is agony. _I’ll watch you be with another. I’ll watch someone else make you happy. I’ll go back to being that beast. I’ll do anything, if you’ll just wake up._

He can’t even say any of it out loud. He’s tried to tell her so many times as he has kept watch over her. _I’m a coward. She deserves better. Is it even right to love a goddess?_

  
His terrible musings were interrupted by a knock at the door. He opened it slowly, and was greeted by a young squire. “Sir Dedue. This came with a pegasus knight messenger from His Highness.” The young boy held out a sealed letter as he bowed his head. 

“Thank you.” The boy bowed at the waist before walking away. Dedue broke the seal and read:

**_Dedue,_ **

**_You will be happy to know that our efforts in Derdrui have not been in vain. We were able to force the Imperial soldiers out of the city with no major casualties. Claude von Riegan is leaving the Alliance territories to me. I confess that the weight is heavy on my shoulders._ **   
**_My mind constantly drifts to you and our dear Professor. We will be marching back to the capitol at dawn to plan our next steps. I can only hope that the Professor is awake by then. Maybe she is even reading this now. The thought fills me with joy._ **   
**_We should arrive the day after this letter arrives. I hope you are both well._ **

**_Dimitri_ **

Dedue sighed and glanced over at Byleth’s sleeping form on the bed. “His Highness will be disappointed if you have not woken by the time he returns.” He dropped the letter beside her hand and sat down. He read it aloud to her, and something about the act was soothing. When he finished reading it, he set it on the bedside table and folded his hands in his lap.

“It is good to know that they are safe. I’m sure you will be upset to learn they went to battle without you.” He reached forward to take her hand, but stopped himself. _It’s not right. You shouldn’t._

He stood with another heavy sigh and paced the room. “His Highness now has the Alliance secured, as well as the Bridge of Myrddin. All that remains is Empire territory. Fort Merceus will be most difficult. However, if we are able to take that, all that remains is Enbarr. His Highness will have to face Edelgard. He will finally have his revenge that he’s wanted so badly for nine years.” He hummed softly as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“What will happen once this is all over? I know that I will take my place as His Highness’ vassal. What will you do?” He walked back over and sat down in the chair beside the bed. “Will you go back to being a mercenary? Will you stay at His Highness’ side?” After a pause he whispers, “Will you marry?” 

He stared at her, mapping out her soft freckles and the scars that littered her skin. He had never taken the time to notice how many scars she had. She had more than he did, most likely. She always found a way to be between her lions and whatever blows were meant for them. He realized now, how and why she always did that. She knew what was going to happen. She knew, and she still took the blows herself.

He whispered into the quiet room, “How many times have you had to watch each of us die? How many blows have you taken for us? What else are you taking upon yourself that we don’t even know about? Why didn’t you tell any of us that you feared sleeping? Why didn’t you tell any of us that you feared not waking?” He scoffed to himself and crossed his arms over his chest. “I guess that seems ridiculous now.” He glanced out the window and whispered, “Will it be like you feared? Will we all be gone before you finally wake?”

He turned his face back to her. “Why am I asking you questions you cannot answer?” There was a tightness in his throat as his vision began to blur. He buried his head in the bed beside her and whispered, “I miss the darkness. I miss being able to see you and speak with you, even if I could not touch you.” Tears began to soak the bed as he paused before whispering, “I miss you.”

  
As His Highness had said, the Lions returned late the next day. He wasn’t aware until there was a quick knock on the door before it was thrust open and his classmates spilled into the room.

“Dedue!” Ashe practically threw himself into Dedue’s much larger chest as tears streamed from his eyes. “I can’t believe you are here! I can’t believe the Professor did it! I was so sad I couldn’t see you before we left… but you’re here! You are really here! She did it!” 

At mention of the Professor, all eyes turned to her still form on the bed. Mercedes was already at her side, hands glowing with faith magic. Annette crawled onto the bed and sat on Byleth’s other side, taking a slender calloused hand between hers. “How is she doing? Has anything happened since we’ve been gone?” She tore her gaze from Byleth’s still face to his and he bowed his head.

“There has been no change. She hasn't moved at all.” His tone was defeated, and he barely withheld a wince as everyone’s eyes turned to him in various shades of sympathy and grief. Ashe squeezed his waist a little tighter and Dedue nodded to acknowledge his sympathetic look. He turned to Mercedes and tried to keep his tone neutral as he asked, “Can you feel any change?”

Mercedes hummed thoughtfully as the room went completely quiet. Everyone hung on her every word as she reported, “All I feel is magic exhaustion. Whatever she did to break that spell took more magic than her body contained. It’s almost like…” She paused and furrowed her brow with what seemed to be confusion. “She feels different. I don’t know how to describe it.”

His Highness’ voice was hesitant as he asked, “Different?”

Mercedes sighed and nodded her head. “I’ve healed the Professor so many times. Right now, something about her feels different.”

Sylvain’s voice was quiet as he murmured, “I wonder if it’s because of Sothis.”

Everyone turned to him as Mercedes letting out a gasp. “Sylvain, you aren’t supposed to speak her name!” She chided from her seat on the bed.

Sylvain held up his hands defensively as Felix snorted derisively. “No! Hold on! While I was guarding the Professor and Dedue, she told me more about the goddess’ power.” He rubbed the back of his neck and grimaced slightly. “Or maybe more her relationship with the goddess. She just called her Sothis. She said that they were friends. She said that the goddess was living in her head from the time she was little. She did tell me that it changed after that day she cut through the sky… but…” Sylvain trailed off and grinned sheepishly at everyone’s varying degrees of surprise. “What I saw the night Dedue was changed was definitely goddess material.” 

Sylvain turned an unusually curious eye to him. “What did YOU see, Dedue? I didn't ask before... but I've been kind of curious.”

He shrunk back as everyone’s eyes again turned to him. He folded his arms across his chest and stared down at the floor. He pondered what to tell them, and even wondered if he wanted to share it all with them. It was the one thing that had been just for he and Byleth. But Byleth was still sleeping, and the rest of the Lions missed her as well.

His voice was soft as he told them, “She created a landscape in the darkness. She made it look like the stars glowed in the sky, and there was an endless sea of Duscur flowers. It even smelled like the greenhouse at the monastery.” Ashe placed a gentle hand on his arm, as Mercedes walked to loop her arm through the other with a soft smile.

“Darkness? What darkness?” Felix furrowed his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes as he tried to understand what Dedue was saying. Felix was one of the only ones who hadn’t watched over Byleth while she spoke with him. 

“Whenever she spoke to me, she took us to a darkness where Fodlan’s goddess used to dwell. It was endless darkness, save for a stone staircase that led up to a stone throne. She changed that darkness into stars and a field of flowers.”

His Highness asked, “But what did you see before you changed back? Sylvain told us that her hair and eyes seemed to glow. Was it like that in this “darkness”?”

Dedue cleared his throat heavily as shame seemed to crawl up the back of his neck. Thinking about what had happened only brought the memory of her pain as she thought he didn’t love her, and she only thought that way because of his callous words. “It was similar, but on a larger scale.” 

His Highness raised an eyebrow and waved a hand for him to continue. He couldn’t meet their gazes as the shame rushed through him. “I said something that upset her. She started to scream the goddess’ name and the landscape began to shake. She was asking the goddess to help fix me.” He clenched his jaw and grimaced. 

After a deep breath, he continued. “Wind rushed out of nowhere and moved the flowers. Her hair floated around her head as everything about her glowed. Her hands lit up with green light, and she laid them on my chest. I felt like I was falling for a while, and then I woke up." He glanced over at her and sighed. "But she didn’t.”

His Highness walked over and sat near Byleth’s body, where Mercedes had been. His Highness whispered, “Goddess…” He took one of Byleth’s hands in his own and bowed his head. “I knew the Professor was special but…” his sentence trailed off as he stared down at her.

Felix scoffed but his voice was unusually soft as he said, “She cut a fucking hole in the sky. She slept for five years at the beginning of the war. She hasn’t aged a day since then. When was she not special?” 

Sylvain bowed his head and whispered, “She told me she hasn’t been sleeping since we found her. She said, she was scared that one day she would shut her eyes, and by the time she opened them we would all be gone.”

Annette cried, “That’s so awful!” as she laid down and burrowed her head into Byleth’s neck. 

Mercedes turned her face to his, and the sincerity there threatened to overwhelm him. He took a step back, but she held his arm gently. “Why don’t I walk you to your room? You should get some proper rest after everything that’s happened.” When he started to resist, she added, “And I should look you over to make sure everything is alright after that awful spell.”

His Highness turned his head and nodded. “Yes! Please go and rest, friend. We’ll look out for her.”

“Yes, Your Highness.” Dedue bowed at the waist and made a retreat as quickly as he could. He could hear Mercedes soft footsteps trailing after him. When he reached his door, he finally turned to face her. “I’m fine. I don’t feel the pain anymore. There is no need to be concerned over me.”

She smiled sadly and shook her head. “Dedue… I can’t imagine having to watch over someone I love like that. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.” She sighed and placed a gentle hand on his arm. “I wanted to make sure you are really okay.” 

The world came to an abrupt halt at her words. All he could do was silently stare for a few breaths. When he finally returned to himself, he shook his head and heavily cleared his throat. “I do not know what you are talking about. I am concerned for the Professor, because she saved me. His Highness asked me to care for her, and I did as I was commanded.”

She furrowed her eyebrows as her mouth twisted down into a frown. “You don’t love her? Really?” Her lilac eyes stared into his as she moved closer.

He nodded his head firmly. “A weapon does not feel love. A weapon does whatever it’s wielder requires.”

Pain and sorrow flickered across her face before she sighed heavily. “Dedue, do not blame your unwillingness to admit your feelings on His Highness. That’s not fair to him, and it’s not fair to the Professor.”

“Not fair to His Highness? I am his vassal. I do only what is required of me.” He kept his tone firm, and his face neutral before turning to the door. “It is better for everyone that way.”

He turned away from her, desperate to flee from this conversation. He froze in the doorway at her quiet whisper of, “You’re wrong.” After a brief pause, she continued in her gentle and sincere tone. “She loves you. I saw it as she searched for answers on how to help you. I saw it as she fell apart at the thought of losing you again. I saw it in the pain in her eyes. You denying it will only hurt her further.”

He couldn’t stand to look at Mercedes, and he couldn’t stand the thought of lying any more. With no other choice, he told the truth. His head bowed and his hands trembled as he declared, “It already has.” Mercedes sighed but said nothing further as he shut the door behind him. 

Once he was finally alone, he bent down and took of his boots before crawling under the covers. He stared at the same ceiling he had stared at all those years ago as a young boy grieving his family and his home. He stared as he tried to slow his racing heart. He stared as he took deep breaths. Eventually, he stared no longer when he finally fell into a fitful sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so sorry that it took me forever to update this. I was sort of debating on how I wanted to end this and it got pushed to the back burner as I funneled all of my time into my longer fic. I'm sorry! 
> 
> I'm going on a mini writing retreat (basically holing up in a hotel room with my laptop) for the next couple days so I will finish up this fic and hopefully get the ending posted this weekend.
> 
> For now... enjoy some Byleth and Sothis softness in an attempt to tide you over. Again I am sorry it took me so long.

Byleth watched as Dedue and Mercedes walked out of the only window she had. It hurt that she couldn’t follow him. She was aching with the desire to comfort him, and to make it all okay. She took comfort in the fact that the rest of the Lions were finally back. She had been filled to the brim with pride after Dedue read her the letter explaining that they helped Claude in Derdrui, and she was even more proud that Dimitri had been able to lead them without her there. 

Now they all stood around the room where her still form laid. Sylvain and Felix were whispering in the corner. Annette was still curled into her side, humming softly as Ashe sat beside her with his eyes closed. Dimitri had one of her hands between his as he stroked the back of it with his thumb. Ingrid stood at the door, like it was her job to guard all of them in this private moment. All of them were in pain, and all of them were struggling without her. It was odd missing her lion cubs when she could see most of them right there in front of her.

Felix broke the almost silence by walking up to Dimitri and in his usual abrasive tone, asking, “What are we going to do now, Boar Prince?”

Sylvain let out a long-suffering sigh and ran a hand down his face. “Seriously, Felix? Right now? Can’t we have a minute to worry about the Professor?”

Felix shot Sylvain a glare before turning on Dimitri again. “I’m not immune to this. I’m just as worried as the rest of you. The professor is one of the precious few people I can stand. However, we are in the middle of a fucking war. Someone has to be the one to say it.”

Dimitri sighed and dropped her hand. “I know. You are right, Felix.”

Felix waited a moment, and when Dimitri didn’t continue, he barked, “And?!”

Dimitri turned a cool eye to Felix and responded, “And we just got back from Derdrui. Our forces need time to recover, and we need to gather all of them together before me march into Empire territory. Beyond that…” Dimitri paused and looked back down at her form on the bed. “Forgive me my shortcomings, but I have realized I rely wholly on the Professor, Rodrigue, and Gustave on these matters. Two of my advisors are gone now, and I’m trying to…”

Sylvain wandered over and placed a hand on Dimitri’s shoulder. His voice was kind and gentle as he asked, “Trying to what, Your Highness?”

Dimitri shook his head and looked up at a bristling Felix. “I’m trying my best. All of you should go and get some rest. I will speak with Gustave and Dedue after Dedue is done resting. We will formulate a plan ourselves if the Professor has not woken up by then.”

Felix scoffed and turned toward the door. He muttered, “Ridiculous.” He then slammed the door on his way out of the room.

Ingrid sighed heavily and walked up to stand beside Sylvain. “Don’t worry about him, Your Highness. He’s still grieving, and I think he really is worried about the Professor.”

Dimitri shook his head as he stood. “He’s right. I’ve relied on the Professor far too much.”

Sylvain’s voice was solemn as he replied, “We all have.”

Dimitri reached out and placed a hand on each of their shoulders and glanced back at Annette and Ashe. “All of you should go and get some rest. I don’t know for certain when we will be setting out, but I do know I will need each of you to be well rested and ready to fight.”

The four of them nodded and bowed with an automatic response of, “Yes, Your Highness.” They all shuffled out of the room, leaving only Dimitri.

He took up her hand again and stroked a thumb across her cheek. His voice shook as he spoke. “Professor, I’m so very sorry. I’ve always relied so heavily on you. I fear I’ve made your life nearly impossible ever since I saw you that first morning in Remire.” He chuckled a sad and wet chuckle before taking his hand away from her cheek. “I still remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember the awe I felt as you stood, mostly alone, against those bandits. I remember how surprised each of us were that you were so willing to command the three future leaders of Fodlan like any other foot soldier.” His chuckle was more genuine and Byleth smiled as she watched.

Dimitri shook his head softly and whispered, “Though that’s how you have always been. You’ve never seen any of us for our titles or Crests, you’ve seen us as students. And you have always been there to care for us. You’ve always been there to care for me… even when I didn’t deserve it. Though… a part of me still believes I don’t.”

Dimitri was quiet for a long time before he whispered, “If I were a braver man, I would tell you how much you mean to me.” He tilted his head toward the door and sighed. “Though I can venture a guess that your heart lies elsewhere. If I cannot have you by my side…” He bowed his head and shook it softly. “You have to wake up so you and Dedue can make each other happy. I could want for nothing more than the happiness of the two people I love most.”

He stood with a weary sigh and walked around to the other side of the bed. “For now, I really need my tactician and general. What are we to do? I fear I cannot lead this army without your strength at my side, let alone take on Fort Merceus.” He sat down and leaned back against the headrest, his eye already falling shut. Despite his obvious fatigue, he mumbled, “For now, we rest. And pray to the goddess that you wake up soon.”

“Well… this is quite the predicament.” Sothis had a hand under her chin as she rested her elbow on the arm of the throne. As the days passed by, her form changed more and more. Rather than seeing herself like she would in a mirror, Byleth now saw herself but with long emerald green hair and pointed ears. It was like a mixture of herself and Sothis, and it startled her every time she glanced over. “The princeling will prove a wanting ruler if he continues this way, and then this cursed war will never end.”

“He is grieving, Sothis,” she chided the goddess as she cast her a sharp look, “Frankly I’m proud of him for being able to stay himself with all that has been going on. He’s only just begun to heal. He needs more time.”

“Time is not a luxury he has, I’m afraid.” Sothis looked back up at the now slumbering prince. “The land weeps with all of this death and destruction. Your fate was to end this war, but now you are stuck here.”

“You look more like yourself every day,” Byleth fought to keep the hope from her voice, and failed miserably, “and I grow less and less transparent. Perhaps I will wake soon?”

Sothis closed her eyes with a quiet hum. “You may be right. I feel stronger than I did even a few days ago. Do you feel it?”

Byleth followed Sothis’ example and shut her eyes. If she concentrated, she could feel the warmth of the blanket on top of her and an ache in her body that felt similar to when she used the Divine Pulse too often in battle. She whispered, “I think I can.”

“We must have patience, then. We will continue to wait and hope that you can go back to helping your cubs.”

“What will happen to you?” She turned to face Sothis again and leaned her head onto the goddess’ lap. “I wasn’t able to talk to you when we became one in the Sealed Forest. Will you disappear again?”

“I’m not sure.” Sothis’ brow furrowed as she pursed her lips in thought. “Our connection feels stronger right now, but I don’t know if you’re waking will sever it again. We will have to wait and see. Hopefully the young bishop will spend more time healing you, so your body can recover faster.”

“I’m sure she will, you know how Mercedes tends to fuss when she’s worried.” She chuckled affectionately and glanced back up at her golden lion cub.

“What are you going to do about the young princeling’s affections?” There was a hit of teasing in Sothis’ tone, but when Byleth glanced up there was genuine worry in her eyes as she stared at the prince.

Byleth placed a hand over her chest as it began to ache ever so slightly. “He deserves to be with someone who truly loves him. I…”

“You love the stoic cub.” Sothis chuckled softly and patted her head. “I have been waiting the longest time for you to finally realize it.”

Her eyes became misty before she shut them and bowed her head. “He doesn’t feel the same.” Sothis snorted in a rather childish way and she turned to give her a sharp look. “You do not have to be cruel.”

“You honestly think the child is not smitten by you? Honestly?” Sothis let out a melodic giggle and she fell backward against the back of the throne as she dissolved into childish giggles. “You humans are all the same. How can you be so dense?”

“Dense?” Byleth stood and crossed her arms defensively. “Emotions are confusing! And he said that—”

Sothis clicked her tongue and shook her head in a manner that was awfully condescending. “The young lion cub has always held himself back because he views himself as lesser than. He was already in love with you that night in the Goddess Tower, even a total fool could see that. He wouldn’t have made such a promise with you if he felt otherwise.”

Byleth dropped her arms back to her sides with a defeated sigh. “Then… what do I do?”

Sothis giggled again, and as she shook her head her deep green hair shifted side to side ever so slightly. “I’m sure that once you wake he will come to his senses. If he does not, then you must tell him that I will curse him for the rest of his days.”

Byleth snorted in amusement and raised an eyebrow. “Curse him for the rest of his days? Doesn’t that seem like a bit much? Can you even do that?”

Sothis shrugged easily and leaned her head against her fist on the arm of the throne once more. “You also deserve to be with one who truly loves you, dear one. I believe he does, and I feel how much it hurts you when he denies it.” Her eyes widened as she abruptly sat up straight. “I have an idea!” She giggled almost mischievously and clapped her hands together. “Yes, that will do quite nicely.”

Byleth eagerly asked, “What are you going to do?”

“You’ll see…” was the only answer she got in reply.


	8. Chapter 8

Sleep seemed to evade him as his mind drifted endlessly between dozing and wakefulness. His body was exhausted from the lack of sleep he’d had—too worried about Byleth to even consider resting—but it seemed even when she had other people to watch over her, his worry would not ease. He measured his breathing, counting out his inhales and exhales in an effort to relax, and found that his body melted further into the bed. His heartrate slowed as a wave of calm rushed over him, and he finally managed to drift off to sleep. 

At first, he thought he was dreaming when he opened his eyes and saw a familiar darkness, but then he heard the wonderful sound of Byleth crying out his name. He turned and startled as she threw herself into his chest, not because he did not yearn to hold her, but because—

“What has happened to you?” he asked in a trembling voice. He was horrified to find he could see his own arms as he wrapped them around her. It was her, but her entire being seemed faded. It was as if he was looking at her reflection on a surface of water. Even touching her felt… odd. There was no warmth radiating from her body. He imagined this is how it would feel to embrace a spirit, like the ones that Annette and Ashe were so frightened of. The feeling that everything was fading away exacerbated the discomfort he felt.

“You must not touch!” an unfamiliar voice scolded. “Have you not learned your lesson, young one?” His eyes tracked to the sound and he took in a sharp breath as he released his hold on Byleth. 

Or was it Byleth? The Byleth that was formerly in his arms? The figure on the stairs looked like her. Well, somewhat. It was Byleth’s body, with Byleth’s smile curving familiar pink lips, but this Byleth was different. She had cascading emerald hair that fell somewhere past her knees, with pointed ears peeking out from between the flowing locks. Emerald eyes stared at him with a sort of motherly kindness that filled his chest with warmth and bade him to trust her, even when he did not know her.

The Byleth he had released smiled sheepishly before taking a half step backward. He looked down to her and then up to the other Byleth on the stairs in befuddlement until the one on the stairs lightly cleared her throat to draw his whole attention. “I must say,” she began in a warm tone as she descended the stairs and walked closer to them, “it is certainly exciting to speak with one of our cubs face-to-face.” She put her fist to her mouth as she giggled, so unlike anything he had ever seen Byleth do. “Well, somewhat face-to-face.”

He opened and shut his mouth a few times before stammering, “I am… sorry. I… Who are you? And why do you look like Byleth?”

Somewhat transparent Byleth released a breathy chuckle before waving her hand toward the other Byleth and introducing, “Dedue, I’d like you to meet Sothis. Sothis, this is Dedue.”

Fear gripped him, and on instinct he dropped to one knee and bowed his head to the ground. He had never considered himself a believer in Fodlan’s goddess, not like Mercedes—devote in her prayers and her ministry amongst the others at the monastery. However, his parents had instilled him with a healthy fear of beings with power far greater than his own. Offerings were given to the war god for victory in battle. Feasts were held in honor of the sea god in an attempt to appease him so the waves might be calm. He wasn’t certain what the goddess of Fodlan could want, but it seemed only natural that he should kneel before her and pay her respect. He had nothing but respect and admiration for her, especially after all that she had done for Byleth and himself. After all, she had been the one to give Byleth the power of time which had saved them so many times, and she had been the one to give Byleth the means to escape that dimension of darkness five years ago, at the cost of herself.

A familiar white dress filled his vision before Sothis knelt down in front of him. “Please do not bow to me,” she requested in that same warm tone. “I know we have never officially met, but you feel like one of my own.”

He hesitantly lifted his head and found a kind smile on the goddess’ face. Byleth watched from behind them with a look he couldn’t quite decipher. “I… do not understand.”

Sothis giggled again and stood, prompting him to stand as well. He towered over her, just as he normally did with Byleth, but just like with his former professor, she seemed to radiate power and command respect, even with her small stature. “What troubles you, my stoic lion cub?”

He shook his head slowly. “You are a goddess, I should not—”

Sothis placed her hands over her heart. “Byleth and I are of one heart. As her fondness for her lions developed, so too did a special place form for all of you in my own. I never wished to be feared and revered as the Church of Seiros so often preaches. I only wish to give and receive love, just as any other.”

“I am sorry.” Her brows furrowed in confusion at his apology. “To be stuck in this darkness must have been lonely.”

She huffed a small laugh before walking over to loop her arm with Byleth’s. It was odd to see them stand side by side like that, but it also helped him to see the differences between them. It might have looked similar to Byleth’s body, but everything else was different; from the way they stood, to the way their eyes crinkled as they smiled.

“Our connection keeps loneliness at bay. It is hard to explain, but it was never me alone in the darkness. I saw all that Byleth saw, felt all that she felt. There is no need to worry for me.”

“Why do you look so similar? Has it always been this way? Why is Byleth… transparent?” He looked to her as he asked, “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” she gently replied. “It’s… somewhat hard to explain. Sothis had to use my body in order to fix you and—”

His eyes widened in alarm. “Use your body?”

Fodlan's goddess quickly explained, “Byleth asked me to use my power to reverse the dark magic that changed you into that beast form, but I do not have a body of my own. I was able to use her body to channel my power, but the mortal body was not created to conduct such power. That is why she sleeps—to recover her energy.”

“Sothis looks more like her normal self every day, and every day I become less transparent!” Byleth added, sounding hopeful.   
His heart swelled in his chest. “You will wake soon?” 

Sothis frowned somewhat as she replied, “We do not know.”

“But we are hopeful.” Byleth sent the goddess a look that was awfully chiding, and again he marveled at the woman that he had come to know and love.

And love…

His heart sank to his stomach like a stone, but Byleth must have taken his frown as a reaction to her words. She stepped closer as she assured him, “It will all be alright, Dedue.”

He crossed his arm over his chest and bowed his head. “I owe you both a debt of gratitude.”

“There is no need to be so formal,” Sothis gently chided.

He lifted his head to look at Byleth, unable to help the burn of anger and frustration in his chest and behind his eyes. “It is a debt of gratitude I cannot repay, but I feel I must tell you that it was foolish to sacrifice yourself for my sake.”

She sighed, “Dedue…”

He continued without heeding her soft call of his name. “You are an invaluable asset to His Highness. He and the other Lions grieve you at this very moment, and all because you would do something as foolish as—”

“That is enough!” Byleth’s voice echoed through the darkness as it had before, and he found he could not speak as she closed what little distance there was between them. “You do not get to tell me what I can and cannot sacrifice for the one I love, especially when you have done the same thing for Dimitri countless times. Do you know how many times I have watched you die for him? No! Because not even I can count them all.”

His voice was weak as he foolishly countered, “I am different.”

Through clenched teeth and with glistening eyes she hissed, “You are not.”

He could not speak through the lump of emotion that had formed in his throat. Nevertheless, he wrestled it down and declared, “His Highness is troubled without your guidance. Because of your irresponsible sacrifice, he does not have you to council him on how he should proceed with the war. The other Lions worry for you, and feel guilt for their own inability to act.”

Byleth released a choked sob as she ran a trembling hand through her hair. The sound alone was enough to make him feel as though he’d been struck, the pain made worse by her broken whisper of, “I am aware of the suffering of my other Lions, to throw it in my face this way is cruel and unnecessary.” 

He shook his head. “I am not saying these things in effort to be cruel.”

“And what of you?”

“What of me?”

Her lower lip quivered as she met his gaze and asked, “Would it kill you to admit that you miss me?” 

He could no longer meet her gaze as he admitted, “It would not kill me… but I cannot.”

“So, it is acceptable to say it to my unconscious body, but not to me?” she accused, poking his chest hard enough to make him take a half step back. The accusation paired with the awful feeling of her fading away as a result of the momentary touch felt like another blow.

“I do not understand.”

Sothis sighed wearily and turned to walk toward the stairs. “Follow, lion cub.” Byleth wouldn’t look at him as she turned to follow, and his chest physically ached as he did as the goddess of Fodlan instructed. He reached the stairs and turned around as she prompted, “Look.”

He gasped quietly as the darkness vanished, replaced by Byleth’s form on the bed, with His Highness sleeping against the headboard beside her. The image made him feel even worse as he closed his eyes and clenched his fists at his sides. “This is how I saw the world, lion cub. This is how I saw and felt all that Byleth saw and felt. This is also how Byleth has been able to watch over you, and far more recently, the other cubs.”

All of the things he had said—reading Dimitri’s letter aloud, admitting that he missed her, the fact that he was sorry—she had heard it all. No wonder she was angry. 

_I am a coward._

Without turning back, he insisted in a low voice, “You should bring forth His Highness. Having the ability to speak with you both would benefit him greatly. Bringing me here does nothing.” 

“Foolish human.” It was said in a weary sigh, without malice. If anything, the goddess of Fodlan sounded grieved by his words. As inept as he was to the ways of magic, even he could feel the stir of power in the air. Rather suddenly, His Highness appeared. He did not look as he had in the image where he was lying beside Byleth, but rather softer, more relaxed. He was not in royal regalia, but in plainclothes just as he was. 

Perhaps it wasn’t just him that Byleth saw differently than the world did. It made sense, she had always treated them equally, regardless of status, Crests, or nationality.

“Dedue?” His Highness looked to him in confusion, perhaps wondering if this was a dream.

“Your Highness.” He bowed, and heard a sharp intake of breath from his liege. When he looked up, he saw only panic and fear upon His Highness’ visage.

“No… Professor… no no no no…” His whole body seemed to tremble as he stumbled backward, and only when Byleth rushed past him down the stairs did he understand what was happening. This transparent version of Byleth… did it look like the other visions of His Highness’ loved ones that had haunted him since Duscur? Is it how he had looked, when his liege thought him dead?

Sothis passed him next, gliding down the stairs as she approached where Byleth was trying to soothe His Highness without touching him as she normally would. “Peace, golden lion cub. Your foolish professor is not deceased, merely not whole. The stoic lion cub felt that your presence here would provide you some comfort.”

Did Byleth have these names for all of them? He idly wondered what the rest of his former classmates were called. Truly, golden lion was an apt description for His Highness, especially in a setting like this where the burdens of the world didn’t seem to press down on him as much as they did in waking.

Also… Did the goddess of Fodlan just do what he had asked, as if he had given a command?

“I… I don’t understand,” His Highness stammered, frantically looking between all three of them in a way that he normally looked around the empty cathedral. As if they were the specters he so often saw.

“Do you remember the darkness that I spoke of, Your Highness?” His liege stiffened, his eye landing solely on him where he stood on the steps that led up to the throne. “That is where you are. Everything will be alright.” The prince nodded slowly as a ragged exhale left his body, settling his shoulders to a more relaxed position. 

“Why do you… What has happened to you?” His Highness reached out to place his hands on Byleth’s transparent shoulders before flinching back with a cry of alarm.

“It’s alright, Dimitri. It’s one of the downsides of the magic that brings us here. Touching weakens the connection.”

“It felt as though you were fading away,” he whispered, looking despondent.

“It is nice to meet you, golden lion cub.” His Highness’ eye widened as it again landed on the goddess of Fodlan. “I am the Beginning, though you may also call me Sothis.” Even as a king, His Highness’ reaction was to bow in respect to the goddess before him. Sothis sighed affectionately and bid him to stand.

“I… are you truly the goddess?”

“I am. I feel I should apologize to you.” She glanced back to him. “Both of you. I feel I have failed you in many ways—allowing the Tragedy of Duscur to occur, not being able to help Byleth recover faster so she could return to you, and other things. I may be a goddess, but it seems even I have constraints that have harmed the people that we care about.”

His Highness stared open mouthed before regaining his composure. “I do not understand. Allowing the Tragedy of Duscur?”

“It is I you pray to, is it not?” Sothis sighed wearily and bowed her head. “I have been sleeping for centuries, and at the time of the Tragedy I was already bound to Byleth. My power has been dormant for so long that I fear the blame for this entire war rests on myself and my lineage.”

“That woman…” 

“I understand your resentment,” Sothis soothed. “I merely wish I had the power to take away the suffering of those that are precious to us. Alas, I do not. Fortunately, through my connection with Byleth, I believe we will have the ability to end this war, and end Fodlan’s suffering. Like so much rain, a pool of blood has fallen to the ground… As spears and arrows pierce the earth, it weeps. We must lead the people of Fodlan out of this abyss of suffering, and into the light.”

Hope shone in His Highness’ eye as he asked the goddess, “Do you have the power to make the Professor wake?”

Sothis shook her head, making His Highness bow his head in disappointment. “I fear only time will give her the energy necessary. Healing does much to help restore her energy, as well.”

Byleth smiled brightly. “Do not worry! You have done so well, Dimitri. I am so very proud that you were able to help Claude and the Alliance. I knew you could do it.”

He flustered under her praise, just as he and the rest of the Lions normally did. “I… I am not worthy of such praise, Professor.”

Sothis mused, “You have the potential to be a caring ruler with a fruitful reign, golden lion cub. The darkness and pain from your past may be a burden that you will likely carry for the rest of your days, but you have friends and loved ones that can help you to bear the weight of it. Know that Byleth and I will always be there to watch over you as you move forward.”

“How shall we move forward?” His Highness spoke with a hint of helplessness as he looked to Byleth. “I am lost without you…without Rodrigue. I have relied so heavily upon you for so long, I do not know how to do this on my own.”

“You are not alone. You have the other Lions to lean on, Dimitri. You have Dedue, Gilbert, Felix… all of them. And with the additional forces provided by the Alliance, you have everything that you need to organize an attack on Fort Merceus. That is your final obstacle before taking Enbarr, and ending the war.”

His Highness stared at his feet as he confessed, “I fear… I fear I am not strong enough.”

He spoke up from his place, still standing on the stairs. “You are, Your Highness.”

Sothis turned toward him and began to ascend the stairs. “Unfortunately, it is taxing to keep you both here. I must release you. Take heart in knowing that your professor will wake eventually, and continue to move forward. We will continue to watch over you until Byleth can walk among you once more.”

“Bring me with you when you march toward Fort Merceus!” Byleth called out to His Highness. “And send a message to Seteth, let him know what is happening!”

“Wait…” things began to fade around him as he quickly ran down the stairs. Byleth turned, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Byleth!”

She shook her head as she whispered, “Goodbye, Dedue.”

  
He woke with a start and sat up in bed. He hadn’t slept long enough, but he tumbled out of bed, pulled on his boots and quickly made his way toward His Highness’ room, only to find his liege in the hallway looking nearly euphoric.

“Dedue!” he called out in something of a chuckle. “Did that… Did that truly happen?” He nodded mutely and an incredulous chuckle bubbled from the prince. “Did we truly speak with the Professor and the… and the goddess herself?” He said the words as if the fact he was saying them still felt odd.

“We did.” He nodded again.

The euphoria in his expression faded to one of open concern. “I’m so sorry, Dedue. You didn’t have a chance to speak with the Professor.”

He wasn’t sure why his liege felt it necessary to apologize. He had suggested that the goddess bring him into that darkness so that he would have the chance to have his spirits lifted. That is what was truly important. “There is no need for apologizes, Your Highness.”

“But you have been so very worried about her, my friend.”

“I have merely been fulfilling the duties that you assigned me in watching over her. I am pleased that you were able to speak with her, and I am hopeful that she will wake for you soon, Your Highness.”

His Highness’ eyebrows pulled together at the center. “Wake for me? Forgive me, Dedue, but I have no idea what it is you mean.”

“The Professor is very special to you. I am sure it has been trying to—”

His Highness frowned as he interjected, “Dedue…”

“Your Highness?”

“While I am unable to refute the fact that the Professor is someone very dear to me, I cannot say that it is for me that she would be waking. I am almost certain that her affections lie with another.” He stared mutely, unable to think of anything that he could possibly say in this instance. His Highness’ face split with a sad smile as he walked forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Why must you look so surprised, my friend? Did you think me incapable of seeing the care you hold for the Professor, and the affection she holds for you in return?”

“The Professor has been instrumental in teaching and guiding you, Your Highness. This care you say I have for her is only my gratitude for all that she has done to assist you. I have long since decided that due to the grace that you extended me in Duscur, all those years ago, that it would be for you that I lived the remainder of my days. My sense of duty will not waver. I would cast aside my life in an instant if my death were to your benefit. For that reason, I do not hold care for our Professor, and she cannot hold affection for one such as me.”

“Cannot?” His Highness scoffed, looking appalled by his words. “You think you have the ability to tell others whether or not they may care for you?”

He shook his head fervently as he apologized. “Of course not, forgive my impudence. I merely mean that the Professor once told me that she could not love a weapon, she could only love a man, and I am—”

“Dedue!” His Highness’ voice echoed through the stone hallway before he calmed himself with a deep breath. “You wound me with your words. Always you have insisted that we may only be vassal and liege, never friends. Always you have insisted that you were only a weapon or a shield for my benefit, and I have stood by and allowed you to believe such. No matter what I have said, no matter what I have done…” He trailed off as he clenched his eye shut, looking for all the world like he was in pain. “Surely, I have failed you if you cannot see that a remarkable woman wishes to love you and you would turn her away thusly. Surely, this is a result of my own negligence.”

His throat tightened as his eyes began to burn. “Your Highness…”

“Dedue, you say that I saved you that day in Duscur, nine years ago, but do you know that you also saved me that day? If I had been unable to save anyone, I would have been the sole survivor. I would have had no reason to keep on living. But I saved someone—I saved you. That and that alone has always been my crutch. You have saved me in countless ways, but it seems I have failed to save you if you feel you cannot live a life just as any other man. I am deeply sorry for my failure.”

“Your Highness…”

“You think me someone special, but you cannot seem to grasp that I feel the same of you. You are irreplaceable. Cherished. So stop saying that we cannot be friends. Stop saying that the Professor cannot love one such as yourself. Stop saying such awful things.” His Highness’ shoulders trembled with emotion as he stared with an eye glistening with unshed tears.

He shook his head fervently as he begged, “Please… do not look at me that way.” He felt as if his entire frame was trembling under the weight of this sudden grief. His eyes burned and his knees felt as if they might give way beneath the weight of his body at any moment. A sound ripped from his throat, a choked and broken thing, and His Highness grabbed each of his shoulders and pulled him into an embrace.

He fought it for only a moment before the first tear trailed down his cheek and he grasped at His Highness’ shoulders. “To be your friend… is what I have always wanted.”

Through a wet chuckle His Highness replied, “I…I am glad to hear it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here. Have a little healing... even though he's still not admitting any of his feelings to Byleth. There's always next chapter? Hahaha


End file.
